Husband was earning big in the corporate world of the UK
His Wife was a sugar baby
Husband then turns 50, and he got a call from God to go into ministry
Wife was like Noooooo
Where will all my Gucci and Balenciaga lifestyle disappear to
Husband was vexed and resigned his job to follow God
Wife vexed that husband resigned…
Marriage became very rocky
She reached out, and I listened to her with a lot of laughter in my belly
I understand the husband
I also understand the wife
They will be fine
The contract of marriage is for better or for worse
For richer, for poorer
In corporate or in ministry…
She is now to redefine and become a pastor’s wife
That is the new path her husband has chosen, and if she still wants the marriage, she has to follow him
I am happy she is willing
We debate these things daily and often
God knows how to throw curveballs
I mean, it is God’s specialty
It’s so true, and it’s often the lack of acknowledging that (talkless of managing it properly) that leads to the issues that follow.
We must learn, however, to catch what God throws; it is always for our good.
I understand the woman’s plight, but she should calm down and imagine how tough it is for the caller. I can’t imagine that it’s easy for the called too, just that the Caller is faithful.
A high percentage of women whose husbands became pastors after marriage didn’t find it easy, but I tell you, once they embrace it, you would think they are the ones called.
Men are different from women in every way
We operate both as individuals and as husbands, and then as fathers
When God called Moses, he called him as a man
That is always how divine call operates
It is always individualistic in nature
And it is almost always for immediate engagement
As if God did not see or know that there are others whose decisions would be affected for good or ill
The call of God is the most perturbing thing to anyone who has experienced it
It is like swallowing a pestle
You won’t be able to sit or stand
Your nights will be plagued with all sorts of restlessness and restless stirrings
If you have not been in those shoes before, you will never understand it
This is not a change in career path…
This is not a choice
This is not a midlife crisis
This is hell unleashed in one’s bosom, with the instruction that one should not shout
Until you obey that call, you will never know what a good night’s sleep is ever again
The only thing that can give you any form of solace is the thought of death
It is either you obey, or you die
That is how it feels in truth
It also changes you
Strips you of the usual understanding and sentimental trappings of your life
Money, children, wife, parent, people’s opinion, responsibility, duty, sense, logic
You lose everything
You become numb because you have been conditioned or reprogrammed to follow this one path
So here you are as a man.
Able and empowered to obey this call all by yourself.
It is the only thing that matters to you now
It is the only thing that makes life worth living for you
As a husband, your wife is suffering through it
Your transformation is a threat to her life
To her joy and fulfilment
Your choice is taking her on a journey out of stability and a certain lifestyle to another strange direction
She asks you what is going on
You say, “I have been called by God, and I am resigning my job to follow this call.”
What about us? What about the children? What about our plans? Do I have a say in this matter? Has it all been decided? Can we do this gradually? Can we get counselling? Can we take it slowly??
She is talking to a man who has been stripped of those options
God didn’t give this man an option
God called him
It is like trying to reason with a flood; it didn’t cause itself, and it will sweep whatever stands in its path away without remorse
Nothing anybody says will work
Nothing!
He cannot be reasonable; he cannot be sensible
He has been stripped of all reason
I always take a look at Moses and Zipporah
How did that woman cope until she couldn’t cope anymore?
Her husband literally died to her from the day he heard the call of God
Their stable life and ordered life were replaced by journeys after journeys
First trip to Egypt
Then the confrontation with Pharaoh
Then the trip back to Horeb
With this man disappearing into the mountain tops
Forty days here
Forty days there
She had no husband left
He became to her a total stranger
Counselling people day and night
It is a tough thing to be married to such a man
That is the truth
Who raised the children of Moses?
They were terrible children
Aaron’s children were better
He was a priest, and the nature of his call was very different from that of Moses
So, like every priest, he enjoyed stability
Moses didn’t
Today he was in the tent of meeting, tomorrow on the mountain, next tomorrow he will be under the cloud, his face was shining so much that he had to wear a veil
It was tough
So, the practical solution is to leave him or to believe in him to the extent that, as a woman, you embrace this stranger and his ways without question
If you embrace his ways, you will change too
You will become more and more like him
It will mean that everything you knew and loved would change
You will lose many things in order to gain many things
But this period usually doesn’t last for too long
Like pregnancy, the period between incubation and rebirth is usually within the first five years
The power in that man will replace everything you have lost and replace every person you have lost along the way
While you were just a member of something in your past life, you will become a leader of something in this life
That was the point God was trying to make all along
The call makes you a leader of vision, and those who will be called into that call will be a part of that vision
Your total commitment is required if people are to also commit totally to that vision
Nobody likes to follow someone who is not sure of where they are going
Once the first five years of obedience are done, you and your husband will have become transformed to the point that those who knew you five years ago would practically not recognize you again
It is not a choice you made, but it is a choice to follow the one who is the way to your destination
Before somebody says the husband should have communicated better….
Please imagine Moses trying to communicate his call while stammering to Zipporah
Please imagine it
Especially the stammer…
Remember also that he was a wanted fugitive who wanted to go back to Egypt
And that he was taking her away from her father’s palace, where she had lived all her life
There is no way to communicate the call
It’s like asking someone who needs to urgently go to the restroom to read Psalm 119
What the wife should do is very simple
It is called Support
She may not jump on the bandwagon outright
It is normal to be skeptical
What does support entail? And is it fine to step in gradually? Should she be bothered about other people having a certain profile in their head about the position/role she should occupy
But a word of support, buy books, hug, say you understand, encourage him, don’t let it be all about you and your needs, etc.
It has to be GOD now
Your language has to be we will do God’s will
All the adjustments that ought to be done with the family’s finances pls do it
Sell that big house for a smaller one and save the money
Don’t nag him, he will only get irritated
If you criticize him, you will only sound foolish
If you ignore him, you are doing him a favor.
He has stopped seeing you since the moment he got the call
GSW 2: If you leave him to it without any support whatsoever…
He will become successful regardless of your support, and once that transformation has been done without you…
You will never be able to fit into that call again
Like Zipporah, you will be an outsider even though you are in the same house
Miriam was more of a mother to the Israelites than Zipporah, for that reason
Apart from the fact that the Jews were racists and would have made it through for her to lead…
Zipporah didn’t take Moses’ evolution well
She didn’t evolve with him
Questions?