Toxic people don’t know how to receive love or how to be gracious to those who love them.
They act all entitled to that affection, and they then begin to punish the person who dares to love them for loving them.
A man tells a woman he loves her, or acts in a way that makes her know that he is developing deep affection for her.
The moment she notices this, she begins to denigrate and lose respect for the man.
You see it in her tone
In her mannerisms
In her language and in how she regards him
Suddenly, someone she respected before becomes someone she begins to treat like a nobody or someone beneath her.
She does not do this because she is wicked; she does this because she wants to perform a stress test for the person’s emotions.
She wanted to see if the person loves her truly and if the love can take shit.
True love should be able to take rubbish
If he truly loves me, he should not complain
If he truly loves me, if I tell him to hop like a frog, he must do so to prove it to me.
The problem is this: the moment he begins to do all that, she will lose respect for him.
The same love she was trying to prove would make him a weakling in her eyes, and she would then begin the process of punishing him for loving her until she drives him away from her.

I observed the love between a lady and a man who loved her passionately
He told her right from the outset how he felt about her
She responded enthusiastically, and the relationship was off to a flying start
Then she began to self-sabotage by allowing her insecurities to control her actions
One day, she came to visit him at home straight from her office
She walked into the house and, after sitting down, threw her car keys to him and asked him to please help her bring in her laptop bag and handbag from the car
The guys smiled and didn’t budge
She got offended
Why would you love someone and find it difficult to do the simplest things for the person?
She forgot that while they were getting to know each other, she told him the story of one of her exes, whom she practically turned into an errand boy because he fell in love with her and was willing to put up with anything she threw at him for the sake of pleasing her.
The unflattering manner in which she referred to someone whom she said was very much in love with her made him realise the kind of person she was on the inside.
She wanted to be treated like a princess by her man, but the moment the man started treating her the way she wanted, she couldn’t reciprocate the treatment.
The man began to lose value to her.
He felt to her like a conquered terrain, and all the adventure or expectations that ought to make their relationship exciting were gone.

He refused to get her bag for her.
She got in her car and drove home in anger
The next day, she returned to him and apologised
He said he had heard her, but within an hour, she said, “If someone asks you to do something for her, someone you claim to love, why do you find it difficult?”

He asked her what she meant.
She said, “During my birthday, you got a party planner. You didn’t do anything by yourself. You just dropped some money. It didn’t feel personal, and I kept quiet because when I raised it, you said I should not treat you like one of my street boyfriends.
You also refused to get my laptop bag and handbag for me yesterday.
I consider those behavioural traits to be red flags.

He sat her down and told her they cannot be together.
I build up those I love; I do not demean or tear them down.
I do not punish them for loving me.
I do not hand them my bag to carry for me in public because I want to embarrass them in front of the whole world, or punish them for loving me, or prove a point with their feelings for me.

I am gracious when I love, and I also receive love graciously.

She didn’t get it

They broke up after that.

PS: He said she couldn’t help being the way she was, and he wouldn’t allow anyone to weaponize his feelings against him because she was emotionally damaged.

Be gracious to those who love you.

-GSW-