A man who lies to Himself keeps an enemy within – Socrates

A simple peep into the dynamics of the category of those who are old enough to be married among the marriageable young men and women in every society indicates that in every generation, more men get married than women. This is because the men find their wife and marries her. The women wait to be found and oftentimes, many of them are not found for one reason or the other. When they are not found on time, they resort to this psychological gambit that is common to all men called hope.

To legitimize this gambit, they begin to use the words “I received a prophecy from the Lord that my man will come in this form or that form”. This becomes a soothing belief tenet they hold on to while their age mates get married. They tell whosoever cares to listen that they are waiting on God to fulfill his word to them.

For some of them, the suitors show up, but they discard every suitor in the name of waiting for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect.

For others, while claiming they are waiting for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect, they go on that enjoyment of “myself” spree and ruin their own marketability with mountains of body counts.

Of course, they come on social media to argue that it doesn’t matter. They should be married as they are. Then they go on to woman-splain things as if they do not understand that there is a way men think when it comes to such arrangements.

Other ladies just stand in the place of prayer day in, day out, while trusting God that a husband will appear in due time. When the husband does not appear, many blame God.

Others blame family patterns and the wiles of the enemy.

Many forget that marriage is a horizontal relationship that is arranged among men and God does not get involved in the process. In Africa especially, where many had taken God to exist only as the entity who helps them do the things they cannot do for themselves, the belief that God chooses spouses for people has been sold to the church by ignorant pastors and bought mostly by the ladies.

Pastors would ask a brother how he knew the woman he wanted to marry was his wife. This question was always a trick question. Many brothers will say God spoke to them or showed them the woman, but it was their desire speaking. They only claim God spoke after they had seen her and convinced themselves that she is the one. The pastors know this, but we want the brothers to remember that they claimed God gave them the woman so that they will not walk out of the marriage without serious contemplations in the future.

The sisters also say God spoke to them but of what use is the word God spoke to you which you cannot act on or take any notable step on. I have seen ladies claiming that God told them a brother is their husband, only for the brother to marry someone else.

God is never angry with the “brother” who flagrantly disobeyed him to marry another person. It is the sister who finds herself reduced to sorrow, tears, and blood because another desire has failed to come to fruition.

The church must become practical as regards marriage. The placebo of hope that many of the sisters in the fold are swallowing willy-nilly is counterproductive in all its manifestation. The biologically productive years of both the man and the woman are between their mid-twenties and their fifties.

We can argue that a man can impregnate a woman at any time while ladies go through menopause, however, delivering children for others to raise is not a very compelling argument that favors a responsible man. A man must have his children and raise them into adulthood so that he will teach them the way they should go in life. A woman must have her children when her eggs are still viable and fresh

I have seen many women in their twenties and thirties claiming to be holding on to the word of God that none shall lack her mate until they clock fifty. How would God allow you to waste all your productive years “waiting” for a man and then when you are in your fifties, you start claiming that Sarah’s body was dead, but she did have a child.

A man who lies to himself keeps an enemy within!

We should endeavor to be practical Christians and not some loonies who are hiding behind religion so as not to sow our seeds in its season in order to reap our harvests in its season.

I write to all those who claim they are waiting for God to bring their tall, dark, and handsome or short, fair, and rich husbands today. I plead with them NOT to waste away their productive years.

Moses came to Midian looking for refuge, and he found Zipporah. Abraham’s servant went to Cannan looking for a wife for his master’s son and found Rebekkah. Jacob fled from his brother to the house of Laban looking and ended up with Rachael and Leah.

If you check the pattern in the Scriptures from Genesis to Revelation, you will see that it is unidirectional

Even our Lord Jesus came to find us. A husband finds a wife. A wife prepares herself to be found. It is not a function of spirituality or the prophetic. It is a function of human relationships, socialization, and the meeting of needs. Waiting for imaginary figures is not faith, especially when there is no biblical example of such.

Not in one place did God say “I have prepared for Sister A, a brother B”

The fact that many pastors claim they met their wives by “divine” arrangement does not make it the norm for the Christian. We all desire to claim our partners came through a divine arrangement, however, such claims are not biblical. They may stroke our egos and make us feel cool among the brethren, but they simply are not sustainable and impracticable.

I advise ladies to shake up the till, once you discover that you have become too known in a particular social circle or church, please move to another.

The pastors want to keep members in their church because of the stability this gives them but once they settle in a particular circle for long, they become too known and therefore they may not be able to attract a mate from that circle anymore.

Ladies who do not sit on their hands end up attracting more men than ladies who sit and wait. Ladies who tie themselves down with “prophetic word” automatically relinquish control of their own destinies and responsibilities in this wise.

They close the door to being found and insist there is a word and a likeness to the one who will find them.

It is ironic that they really have no idea what the person looks like or who the person is. They just know there is a person, and any man would fit into that description sooner or later. What sort of prophecy is so ambiguous that anybody ends up fitting into it?

When God wanted to anoint David, he called him by name, and he also called the name of his father so that there was no doubt whom He had chosen.

When God told Elijah to anoint Elisha, there was a specific instruction, and it was time-bound

When Elisha went to anoint Jehu, it was straight to the fulfillment

When Nathan and Bathsheba went to plead the case of Solomon to David, the fulfillment came that same day

It is today’s believer whose “prophecy” takes twenty years to be fulfilled (only as regards to marriage), but in other things, she is allowed to make decisions and become successful. This is not the way of the New Testament believer. This is not the place of Kings on the throne of dominion.

The earlier we all accept that it is impractical and contradictory to the nature of God to give husband and wife, the better for everyone. Of course, you have read many books written by pastors you respect, which claimed God gave them partners, the problem is easy to solve, there is no precedence for such claims in the Bible.

God didn’t give Abigail to David, David sent for her after he ascended the throne. The Queen of Sheba brought herself to Solomon.

Ruth was coached by Naomi to seek the help of Boaz to present her case at the city gate, he eventually married her. Mary was betrothed to Joseph

I remember a lady telling me she received a prophecy regarding her marriage at the age of 24 and waited for the prophecy to come to pass till the age of 38. I was shocked when she told me she was 38 and desperate to get the promise God gave her to come to pass.

I had to ask her how she felt God would keep her waiting through her biologically productive years only to get her to the point where she now would settle for any man in the name of getting married while she could still squeeze out an egg or two in order to have children.

She then proceeded to say Sarah visited Sarah in her old age and I began to laugh. Sarah was married as a teenager; she started trying to have a baby from then till she grew old. For her, there would be no child without the promise of God.

For many of the ladies in today’s churches, there will be children if they get married on time. Claiming Sarah’s status when you are not barren but only didn’t get married on time is not the right way to interpret the Bible.

I remember many young men who were not doing well financially coming to me to ask what they were doing wrong because God gave them a word of prophecy. I usually ask them what they were doing. Most of the time they would be doing something very mediocre, but they were trusting God for a blessing that is far above that station.

If Joseph remained in prison, he would not command the blessings of the Prime Minister. You can start poor but don’t ever stay poor.

Not staying poor is a result of endeavors, venturing, planning, growth, learning, expanding one’s horizons, developing good networks, and moving up in life. The same applies to single sisters who desire to get married.

There is no marriage in heaven. It is an earthly endeavor, and it is done among human beings. Human beings are social in nature, and it is in this nature that relationships are founded.

It is in this nature that men find wives. It is in this nature that ladies find husbands. It will always be like this because marriages belong in the realm of men. It is an abuse of the prophetic to insist that your own partner is coming from heaven, this has never and will never be.

 

PS: I know many ladies and gentlemen will want to argue with my assertions. I ask them to bring the Bible along to disprove my assertions. Not stories, innuendos, personal experiences of other people but the Word of God.

I know what the prophetic is and I know what we can count as an abuse of prophecy.  Too many ladies lay claim to receiving prophecies regarding marriage that never come to pass.

God does not fail to keep his word. So, the issue is always with those who claim to have received a word but really didn’t. The earlier such ladies are set free from the wrong path, the better for everybody.

 

–GSW–

 

Announcement:

• We are coming to Abuja this weekend, make sure you find your way to the event

 

• PSSBC school 25 is now open, this will be my first official invitation to you to join our free classes for the next few days so you can decide if the school is for you or not.

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