I can count at least four popular feminists on this platform, who willingly deactivated their handles after they got married, because they realized the theories they carried in their heads and boldly wrote about in regard to love, dating, relationships, and marriage when they were single were not applicable after they got married.

I remember one in particular, a born-again Christian whom I engaged with in 2020 on the issue of marriage. Her father had five daughters and no son, so she grew up with the “what a man can do, a woman can do better culture. Being a feminist for her was all about protecting her femaleness from a male-dominated society. This was understandable in many ways, but when she began to project the experiences of other ladies as her own, I had to send her a DM.

I reminded her that feminism is an ideology and that ideology is anti-Christian in nature. You cannot be a feminist and be a born-again Christian. You can only choose a side. She argued with me for a bit, claiming Jesus was a feminist I showed her from the Bible that Jesus did not uphold any ideology that stands for oppression, but he had only one goal, and that was to do the will of the Father.

The man must be the head of his family, and Christ is the head of the church; otherwise, you will not really have a marriage, you will only have a contraption deceitfully referred to as a marriage. When she got married, she deactivated her X account. I have equally had the opportunity to interact with side chicks and commercial sex workers on this app. Most of them keep their social media handles under a different name or nickname. Many don’t keep a social media account at all, or if they do, they make sure their account is private. Side chicks especially know they are often in danger of being investigated by the main wife, so they are wise to leave nothing of substance about themselves out there. Commercial sex workers use social media platforms that are less popular in order to solicit clients.

I don’t want to mention any of those platforms here. Many of them do not post wild content on their handles. The few who did would usually delete after a few hours because they understand the internet does not forget. Social media is such that you are given a rope and expected to climb with it, but you can end up hanging yourself with it.

People visit your profile and timeline looking for things they can use against you, even when you have done nothing to offend them or draw attention to yourself. People don’t mind their business; if you want them to do so, you will not be on social media. The craziest mistake you can ever make is to leave your social media with information that might come back to haunt you due to your own carelessness. If you have a thick skin or no name or marriage to protect, it is understandable, but if you know the contents you are posting can one day be used against you in the court of public opinion, you will be wise to delete or deactivate that account as soon as you head into a change in status or social standing.

Social media outrage has caused some people very great opportunities, and we all read about such. If you say you don’t care, your husband, wife or employer may care enough to sever ties with you over a social media post.

A married woman who once wrote a viral post about her struggle with masturbation on this platform almost lost her fifteen-year marriage due to the post. Her husband’s relatives and friends on this platform bombarded him with calls and so much pressure that he reported her to her parents and stated clearly that he wanted a divorce. It took the intervention of many people, including the pastor of the church where the man plays the keyboard, to keep that home together. Of course, the wife had to delete the post and apologize profusely She said she wrote it so as to help others dealing with such issues. Her husband asked her if she was a sex therapist or a psychologist. All he saw was his name being dragged in the cesspool by those commenting on the post, and not what the post was intended to achieve. Even those who were married, got divorced for very good reasons, and remarried were not spared by social media.

A brother said he wrote a long message on social media begging his ex-wife (an air hostess) to return home after she abruptly left the marriage in pursuit of true love with an Egyptian pilot. The wife left and never returned. Two years later, he met a lady in Lagos, and they began to talk about marriage The lady went home to inform her parents of his intention, and her parents invited him to their house for lunch. He said the first thing the lady’s father asked him was, “Who is Janet? And why are you still begging her to come back home to you and your son?” He said he explained who she was to the lady’s father and the circumstances at the time, and the lady’s father’s reply was, “Since she didn’t come back, why didn’t you delete the post?”

How can you be marrying Uche, and when people Google your name, they will see that you are begging Janet to return to you and fulfil her vow? He said he immediately apologized for the gaffe. He had forgotten all about the post and felt stupid that his father-in-law was the one who called his attention to it. He said he went through his social media thoroughly when he got home that day and deleted everything that could come back to haunt him in the future. Restlessness, attention seeking, validation seeking, trying to be daring and different, content creation, aiming to grow followership on social media, or vying for monetization can sometimes lead to posting controversial things with the aim of going viral.

While in some cases this is understandable, it might turn out to be very costly in the long run. “Not my circus, not my monkeys” mindset may not be that easy to adopt for your partner or employer when the shitstorm you have brewed with your controversial posts on social media hits the fan.

PS: I got glad tidings of great joy yesterday evening as my two favorite people in the world got officially married. The husband said, “We have completed the traditional and the registry marital rites!” I screamed for joy I will be there for the church wedding in a few weeks. Congratulations again, N&N.

–GSW–