Have you ever seen men gathered like this in any nation, language, culture, mosque, or church, praying for a wife? Did you ever read of a service like this in the Bible, conducted by the apostles or the Deacons or even believers in the early church, where they gathered ladies together to pray for them so that they could have supernatural husbands from heaven or men who would locate them from above because they lacked the ability to get a husband by themselves?

Did you see Jesus, in any of the Biblical texts, gathering the single ladies of his time in the synagogues or on the streets of Jerusalem and praying for them for the sole purpose of breaking the yoke of their inability to get a husband? There is a documentary on YouTube on the pandemic of single and accomplished women in America who are single and trusting God to get spouses. These ladies ranged from ages twenty-eight to sixty.

There are countries in this world, like Lesotho and some other European countries, where the population of women is almost double or quadruple when compared to the number of men in the same country. I remember attending a programme once, and the number of ladies in the programme was seven to every one man in the programme! At another programme, there were twenty-six females to every one male in attendance. I belong to seven different WhatsApp groups for singles of different ages. In each of the WhatsApp groups, the number of females to males is approximately thirty to one. For every man who writes to me, asking for help in picking the right wife, there are sometimes seventy ladies to consider prayerfully before suggesting one to the brother. I got so bothered about it that I took some time to pray, asking God for divine help and understanding to solve the riddle of the lack of marriage among the female folk. Where are all the good men? Who is hoarding the men? Which principality and power is rerouting and redirecting the men, while the ladies were left floundering? The Lord said to me, no lady is single as a result of a curse or affliction of the devil. Many of them hide behind that as an excuse to save face and relinquish responsibility for their inability to hold on to a relationship or get married, but NO CHRISTIAN MAN or WOMAN, who is born again and full of the Holy Spirit, is a victim of the devil in any way. If a lady wants to get married and she is not, it is because she does not want to be. It is not the fault of the men, or the fault of nature, or the fault of religion, or the fault of society. Everything every believer needs for life and godliness has been given to him or her in Christ. This is the gospel. So I ruled out all the theatrical prayer points of casting and binding, blaming spirit husbands, evil patterns, village people, witchcraft covens, pointing fingers, and false prophesies. I decided to address issues practically. Some ladies have health challenges like fibroids, cysts, hormonal imbalance, PCOS, bad fallopian tubes, issues with the uterus, sexual trauma and phobia, bad wombs, and so on. They know this, but they can’t tell anybody they join the single group, and they start praying for a husband like other single ladies. Whenever any man comes to ask for their hand in marriage, they find an excuse not to take it seriously or consider marrying the man because they know if they get married, the secret they have been hiding will become known when it becomes a challenge after marriage. Of course, the pastor will be wondering why the ladies are not getting married, and they won’t open up to him. They will say they are praying and holding on in faith for their healing. Once they get their healing, they will consider marriage. There is another set of ladies with a lot of psychological issues who are single and are part of the “I am trusting God to settle my marital destiny gang.” These ones are afraid to commit to a marriage, but they are not afraid to commit to a relationship or a long-term sex partner. If they were living abroad, they wouldn’t feel so out of sorts or odd, but what they want is seen as an aberration in Nigeria. They therefore keep a dual reality. They are single in church, but outside of church, they are side chicks or engaging in friends with benefits or casual sex bestie relationships. I know one who, when she was in her twenties, said she could only date men who were older than her, and she dated so many without marrying any. She rejected over eight marriage proposals when she was in her twenties. She had an average of three suitors every year, and she never saw one who was good enough to get married to. Then, as soon as she crossed the age of thirty-five, she began to date younger guys. I was quite puzzled by her behaviour at first until I realised she really didn’t want to get married to anyone. She just wanted the attention guys give her when they just meet her, the dates, and the occasional sex with the ones she feels are deserving, but as soon as things start getting serious, she would cut it off with that guy and start over with another guy. That is who she is. It is not demonic, and it is not an affliction.The issue is the bad name it gives the pastor or ministry when she is seen as evidence of unanswered prayer. The pastor will want her to get married so that he can testify, but if she gets married, she will soon opt out of the marriage. So she remains in the single group and inevitably will start preying on men who want to marry and would join the group looking for a wife. A pastor will know how to handle such situations with wisdom. There is another issue with blabbermouths who don’t allow marriages and relationships to thrive in a ministry. Some of them are married, and some are older singles that young singles confide in about who is asking them out and who they are crushing on. The worst advisers for young single ladies are the older single ladies. I had a pastor who worked with me once; none of the single ladies who are around her are married to this day. She is also single. I noticed that once she got invited to give counsel on a relationship issue that needed to be resolved, she would inevitably scatter the relationship by projecting her own expectations and experiences about men on the younger ladies. I had to cut her off. I saw her recently, and all the ladies I saw around her are still unmarried. They are not seeing it, and she is not seeing it, but her influence on her team is ruining their lives.

As for the blabbermouths, I had to surgically remove them from having any influence on the young and single among us. I once read in The Godfather about a code called Omertà. I invoked the code and declared that nobody should make their relationship open within the ministry. A few male ministers and I were the only ones allowed to know who was talking to whom and who was seeing whom. All the busybody ministers who thrive on spreading vile gossip and rumors within the fellowship were strategically shown the door. I made examples of those closest to me, without compromise. The result was a two-hundred percent increase in our wedding rate within the last year. We are averaging four to six weddings a month at the moment. One of my sisters is getting married on Thursday, and another on Saturday. The husband of another one arrived in Nigeria from the USA secretly yesterday, and I will be conducting the wedding on Thursday. For those who are not in Christ, they may have demonic issues and darkness issues plaguing them and as a result, their marital destiny may be impacted this is not the case with those in Christ. (I speak from experience and as one who leads a global fellowship of believers.) The casting and binding, anointing oil pouring, jingoism, and staged spiritual drama are only an emotional approach to a systemic problem. It solves nothing in the long term.

Finally, men and women are having constant sex, either within the context of a relationship or outside of it. If two hundred ladies above the age of twenty-five are gathered in a group praying for a husband, the probability of ninety percent of them already involved in a situationship or the other is very high. It is marriage that they are praying for, but they already have all the benefits of being married in an official capacity. A minister of the gospel is not a judge; he or she is a shepherd. Always keep this at the back of your mind as the minister.
-GSW-