Post-affair behaviour + cycle begins again: This stage involves the individual attempting to maintain the relationship and avoid further cheating, but if their underlying issues and reasons for cheating are not addressed, they may eventually return to pre-affair behaviour, and the cycle may repeat.
The Question to ask is Why did the person cheat?
People cheat for so many reasons. Let me state a few
1. Disconnection
One of the biggest reasons people cheat is the feeling that you and your partner have drifted. Perhaps the relationship has become stale and predictable, and one partner is feeling trapped, looking for an escape. There can be lots of reasons for disconnection in a relationship. It could be a lack of proper communication leading to emotional distance. Or it may be that life has become busy and dominated by work and looking after kids, and so time together has become more functional than loving.
Why People Cheat in Relationships
2. Rejection
Having an affair obviously creates a lot of hurt and rejection. So it can be difficult to see how rejection could cause an affair. But whether through small experiences over time or through big wounds of rejection, a partner can feel that they are no longer cherished and accepted in the relationship. This can sometimes lead to acting out in sexual infidelity. Rejection can be caused by old unresolved hurts or conflicts that have never been repaired. Can be created by a feeling of not being listened to. If one partner doesn’t have the space to talk or doesn’t feel their partner is interested in listening to them. Rejection can be created by criticism or defensiveness in the relationship.
Why People Cheat In Relationships
3. Feeling Picked On Or Nagged
For someone who is feeling picked on in their relationship, an affair partner can provide somebody who seems to listen and understand.
It can seem as if they are able to show you the interest you’ve been lacking in your primary relationship. A partner might begin to confide in this new safe friend and develop more attachment than they have with their partner.
Sometimes it is a likeness, developed on a whim and consummated on a thrill
Why People Cheat In Relationships
4. Imbalance
If there’s a lack of balance in a relationship, one partner can begin to feel a bit like a parent and the other like a child. If one partner dominates in decisions or takes responsibility for everything, then this sense of a lack of mutuality in the relationship can really send the connection off-centre. An affair might be tempting in order to feel appreciated and equal. Or it might feel like a way of reclaiming some sense of independence and authority.
This is why it is not advisable for men to treat their wives like children or make statements like “women and children belong to the same category”.
Infantilizing your wife can make her feel the need to be seen as a mature adult capable of making her own decisions.
To prove this, she might cheat and continue to do so until she gets a divorce, which will free her from the stifling marriage, or until you die of a heartbreak.
Why People Cheat In A Relationship
Fear Of Commitment
Sometimes affairs occur at times when you might assume people would be the most secure in the relationship, such as after getting engaged or when someone is pregnant. Or when they are just about to get married, because these changes signify a loss of their freedom
For a partner who worries about commitment, these changes can be very destabilising.
Sometimes people can sabotage what they have consciously or unconsciously as a way of rejecting feelings of responsibility.
Why People Cheat In Relationships
Issues Related To Self-Esteem
Affairs can also arise from personal insecurities. Lack of self-love or self-respect can cause people to be very dependent on the attention of others. And in some cases, the attention of an affair partner.
Some people do not see themselves in the right light. They feel the person they are with will leave them eventually because they are not good enough, and they cheat so that they will not be left hanging when this happens
Why People Cheat In Relationships
Sexually Addictive Behaviour
Affairs can commonly be linked to problems with sexually addictive behaviour. This is where somebody habitually engages in sexual activity as a way of satisfying desires and relieving negative feelings they find hard to control. These desires can be compulsive in the way a drug or alcohol addiction might be. For some people, this can mean they engage in affairs, repeatedly or in multiple relationships simultaneously.
Breaking the cycle of repeated cheating requires a willingness to confront and address the underlying issues that led to the behaviour in the first place, as well as a commitment to making necessary changes and rebuilding trust in the relationship.
In many cases, the cheater may not even recognize that they are engaging in harmful behaviour or may not feel any guilt or remorse for their actions. This can make it extremely challenging for the betrayed partner to work through the issues and rebuild trust in the relationship. For some people who fit into this category, true transformation and healing work will just never happen and they will never be able to be the partner you want them to be.
Most people say “Cheating is a deal breaker” until they are cheated on, and they discover that breaking up with someone they love and changing their lifestyle and reality overnight, due to no fault of theirs, is very painful and sometimes unthinkable
If you are trying to decide whether to stay or leave your marriage or relationship
I can help you sort through your doubts and fears and find clarity.
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