A man reached out to me to complain about his wife’s sudden irritation and dissatisfaction with everything he does.

He said he married her as a virgin, and they have five children together.

He is a petroleum engineer with one of the big oil companies in Nigeria and often spent weeks on the rig while his wife lived in Port Harcourt with his children.

He said they had always been at peace with each other, and he always carried her along with his plans and business ventures.

Because she didn’t have a job to keep her busy, he opened two businesses for her so that she would not be idle, and regardless of how the businesses perform, he subsidises them by paying the rent for the shops and stocking up the goods every January.

He said he could not explain his wife’s sudden unhappiness and the fact that nothing he did was enough to satisfy her or placate her.

I asked him what the last issue they had a disagreement over was.

He said it was about the choice of secondary school their first child would attend.

He said he did his research and chose a school; his wife decided to choose another school, which would cost him ten times more than his budget.

He said he told his wife they could not afford the school fees based on their financial plan and goals at that moment, and his wife turned it into a civil war.

At that time, they were living in a rented apartment, and he was saving up some money to buy a house for them somewhere in Eagle Estate.

They had been married for fifteen years, and he had never cheated on her or given her any reason to be unhappy with him since they got married.

I reached out to his wife. I didn’t mention her husband’s concern at all. I said, “Who is the other man, apart from your husband, who has been talking to you in the last few months?”

She said, “Brother Gbenga, is that what you will say? Didn’t he tell you that our daughter is struggling academically and that the school he picked is most likely not the best for her?

I ignored her.

I said, “Sister, please be truthful with me. I know there is someone you met recently, or who was an old friend who you suddenly resurrected your friendship or acquaintanceship with in the last few months. I also know that your conversation is quite intimate and personal. So who is he?”

She replied, “Brother Gbenga, did he tell you that I got married to him as a virgin? After our marriage, I got pregnant as soon as we had our first sexual intercourse, and since then all I have been doing is popping babies every other year. I cannot say I have enjoyed all the things I read about in books and watch on TV or hear on blogs which other women talk about, like “shaking legs syndrome”, “spinning head syndrome” or “fainting spell syndrome” after sex.

He does the best he can, and he is virile, but what about all those things I know I may be missing out on?

Don’t I, as a woman, have a right to experience all that?

I said, “Stop deflecting, madam. Who is this person?”

She said, “He is an old friend who I used to have a crush on when I was in secondary school. Nothing came of it because we parted ways when I gained admission to the university, and my husband married me as soon as I graduated from the university.

We came in contact again recently when the old student association of my set contacted me regarding organising a reunion, and we all got added to a WhatsApp group.

“So what have you guys been talking about?” I asked.

“We reminisce about the good old days, and he talks about his desire for me back then, which couldn’t be fulfilled because I got married quickly and moved out of Lagos to Port Harcourt.

He said he couldn’t act on his feelings because I was a pastor’s daughter, and he knew he had to come correct.

He said the kind of imagination in his head towards me would have left me floating on cloud nine for a long time if he had been allowed to handle me.”

I let her talk on and on. I insisted that she must not hide anything. It got to a point where she forwarded all the chat messages they exchanged and the voice notes to me while recounting the phone call exchanges.

When she was done, I said, “Do you know what you have been doing with this man?”

She said, “Brother Gbenga, it sounds like I have been cheating on my husband with him. I didn’t see it that way before; I just felt that it took him talking to me for me to see the flaws in my otherwise perfect marriage”

I said, “Has he not asked you to come and meet with him somewhere?”

She said, “He is based in Canada, and we have made arrangements to see him when he comes to Nigeria for holidays this Christmas”

I started laughing like God.

She got embarrassed and started crying.

We can all choose not to see something that is obvious in the name of having a new experience or fighting boredom or getting entertained. And sometimes we choose that path and deny the obvious consequences of it.

Dissatisfaction between a man and his wife does not just come out of the blue; it always takes a serpent to tell Eve that the life she has and has been enjoying with her husband is not good enough or that she deserves better.

A wise man or woman would keep the doors of his or her happy home and life shut to outsiders who would come in to sow seeds of discord simply because they want a piece of what you have, which they cannot have as long as your door is shut.

Always remember this!

-GSW-