Seeking advice from certain individuals can ruin your life. Our circumstances are not the same. Our life experiences too, are not the same. You have a career, You met a multimillionaire who wanted to marry you. He offered you double your salary per month and a fixed deposit of your annual income as at when you met in dollars for your personal investment. He said he requires you to travel with him on some of his business tours because a lot of ladies try to take advantage of his wealth when he was alone, and he fell for their antics several times, costing him so much emotionally and financially. He said he needed stability. He had done his analysis, and he realized that rather than sleep in hotels and pay so much for company and comfort, he would be better served to get married and live in his own house. He hid nothing of his experiences, and he stated clearly why he wanted to marry you. You went to one big Sister from your church for counsel. The sister told you not to let go of your career for any man. You worked hard to earn your MBA, you worked hard to earn your LLB. Any man who wants to marry you must adjust to you. You are no longer a small fish in the ocean. You came back to the guy with your own proposal He should buy a house close to your office, so that you can hop in and out of the office without traffic Your career is non-negotiable He should get domestic staff to take care of the house and kitchen needs You will do bedroom duties whenever you are not too tired from work He told you it wouldn’t work for him You said he should give it a try before writing off the idea He said okay.
The next day, you called realtors asking for the cost of buildings around your office. They started dropping prices 250 Million, 300 Million. You gave him the feedback, He started laughing, He said, “You expect me to build my life around your career, to invest 300 million in a property just because it is close to your office… What if you get fired tomorrow, the office goes bankrupt, or you land a better job at another company? “How much is your salary?” He asked You said, “One million naira a month plus quarterly bonus of about 250,000 Naira. He said he has a house he has built, and he sees no reason to abandon it or discard it for another house simply because he could afford to do so. The house needs a wife who will help him turn it into a home that is the deal. He will not build his life around your career. You accused him of trying to gaslight you into becoming a housewife. You said you will never build your life around any man. You are determined to work, earn your own money, and share your life with any man who is willing to settle for these terms. Your man took a long moment of silence. At the end of it, he said, “It is true that two can never walk together except they are in agreement. What you want and what I want are very different, even though I know you love me and I love you too.’ He took his leave, you called that your aunt again. you told her everything that transpired. She encouraged you to stand your ground. She said if he truly loves you, he will show it by conceding to some of your demands. Your man stopped calling at first, you felt he was still a bit miffed about your heated argument, but as hours turned into days, you began to panic. You have always known that you cannot marry a career person because you are also a career person When you prayed, you asked God for someone who owns his own business and is financially independent because you saw no sense in your husband running around to please his boss while you are also doing the same You just didn’t consider that a man who is financially independent will be a thoroughbred alpha male who will dictate his own terms of engagement.
The person you went to ask for counsel does not have the prerequisite experience to guide you aright. It’s like asking a farmer how to be a good fisherman. You waited two weeks before swallowing your pride You hid behind “I just felt I should check on you since you are not checking on me” He saw your message and replied casually that he would be sending his driver to come and drop some of your things that you forgot in his house. You felt he was carrying himself like the best thing after sliced bread You told him to tell his driver to drop whatever it is with the security man at the gate of your estate Three months later, you met him at a restaurant He was with your counsellor’s younger sister They were dating You called your counselor You asked her how come your boyfriend and her younger sister are dating Your counselor said her younger sister came to visit her, and they got talking about many things The conversation went in the direction of relationships, and she told her younger sister all about your travails Her younger sister then told her that the man you were giving terms and conditions to was the kind of man she had always dreamt of getting married to Even though she had a job, she was willing to resign and become a full housewife. She was willing to travel the world with her husband and play host to his guests He was her dream man Your counselor then felt that since you had broken up with your man, and it makes no sense to waste a good man simply because he does not fit into your plans, she should allow her sister to give this dream man of hers a try.
So, she gave her younger sister the information about your man, and her younger sister pursued it with rugged determination. You felt betrayed, but you could not really express why you then reached out to your man asking for a meeting, just for you guys to smooth things over. He said he is now in a relationship and didn’t see any reason to meet with you without upsetting his current babe. At that point, you felt the matter was no longer natural. The other lady must have done something diabolical. You felt with prayer the man would be set free to remember his love for you and come back to you.
You called for prayer and Counselling I told you what the Lord said to me as we discussed Matthew 11:16 “To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others: 17 “‘We played the pipe for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ 18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ 19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’
But wisdom is proved right by her deeds.” It is not the enemy, dear sister Trying to build a living thing around a dead thing is always a bad idea. You don’t build a family around a career; you build a family around purpose and destiny. A career never ends, you do your part, and you leave the stage for others to continue. A career is never your thing; it is something you do for the benefit of your employer. Your home is yours Your children are yours Fulfilling the purpose of God for your life is paramount. Don’t major in the minor This does not mean those who have a career should dump it for the sake of starting a family Life is not black and white; there are so many shades of grey in between. Anyone who desires to make the right choice must keep an open mind. Solomon said she who looks at the wind will fail to sow and she who looks at the cloud shall not reap
-GSW-