Out There “IT IS ALWAYS HIS FAULT”

If the man is poor and his wife leaves him due to his ability to provide for the needs of the home, he is to blame for being unable to provide and meet the needs of his wife. If he is a hard-working man who married a beautiful woman who leaves him for a richer man, it is his fault for marrying a woman he didn’t have the kind of money required to keep or take care of. If he is rich and he lavishes money on his wife constantly, he will be blamed for spoiling her when she leaves “He was too soft on her; women need a firm hand”. If she comes home pregnant and he takes responsibility for the child only to find out later the baby was a product of paternity fraud, it was his fault for assuming the baby was his, “I never told him the baby was his; he just assumed the baby was his, and I didn’t bother to say anything to correct his assumption”. If he did DNA and found out the children were not his “Why did he do DNA? Why would he deliberately add sorrow to his own life? Were the children not making him happy? What does it matter whether they belong to him or not? If a woman leaves a man with the children, goes to court and files for separation and primary custody of the children, the law still forces the responsibility for the woman and the children on the man. If the woman or the children fall sick after she had taken him to court and had gotten separated from him, he is expected to pay her bills and that of the children. If he decided not to pay her bills or that of the children, he would be a callous and irresponsible man, if he pays the bill for the children and not her own, he is a user who abandoned her in her time of need. Even if they were no longer together, was she not the mother of his children? Was there no milk of human kindness in his veins? What about all the years they were together, was he not supposed to be grateful for that?

If the man was the one who left his marriage in pursuit of a younger and more beautiful woman, he is a philander, a womanizer, a serial groomer. If the woman was the one who left her marriage in pursuit of a younger and more handsome young man, she was on a journey to self-discovery; she was catching up on life and giving her life a fresh breath. If a woman beats her husband, he is a weak man and we all laugh, if a man beats his wife, he is a domestic abuser, and we must lock him up. If a woman gets aggressive and insulting towards her husband, the husband should keep quiet, take his shirt, and leave the house for her for a while until she cools down.

The wisest thing for a man to do is to say “Yes ma” to his wife because women are always right, if a wife gets into drug abuse, it is the husband that stressed and pushed her into it. If a wife finds herself in the hands of a false prophet and ends up getting duped, we blame the husband for not being there for her to guide her. If a woman leaves a man because he could not make love to her because of a sickness pertaining to erectile dysfunction, we agree it is justified. How can a man have a wife he cannot sleep with? If a wife suddenly develops ovarian cancer, her husband cannot dare to leave, he can arrange to have a small “girl” outside of reality to be letting off steam with, but he must stay with his wife and care for her financially as a good man. If a man can make love to his wife but has issues with his semen which cannot make babies, the wife can leave. It is an unspoken rule. Pastors look away, the whole church looks away. We say to the whole church that marriage is for companionship and not for having babies. Then, five years after the marriage, we tacitly asked the couple what the doctors said. Once she said it was his fault, we encouraged her to move on because of her biological clock. If she was the one who cannot have babies, we encourage the man to hold on like Abraham.

So many cases in the magistrate court in which the woman cited “financial distress” as the reason she has decided to leave the marriage. A man cannot cite this reason in court. “I cannot suffer with a man” is the exclusive prerogative of women. Men are the ones required to be judged for making it or failing to make it. If she says something, anything, you are required to both believe her and not believe her. She has the right to change her mind or to say she only said that because of how she was feeling at that time or say she didn’t mean it, or the man misinterpreted or misrepresented her. The man however does not have this privilege, if he says something, he means it. He can be quoted over and again for as long as he lives “You said I am not a good cook? Do you know what that does to my confidence as a woman?” “You said I smell down there, how dare you? Do you know what that does to my dignity as a woman?” But she can say he is small down there or that he is a two-minute man or that he is a one style man or a paper tiger. He was not to take her at her word “Women talk, we know this, so why are you counting the words of a woman?” This is so often repeated to men lamenting about what their wives say to them “We all manage them, we have to try and manage them, that is what is called a man! Don’t listen when she insults or abuses you, las las carry your shirt and waka for some time until she cools down, Women are devils o, if you allow her to push you, na you go still chop the blame” Her money is her money, his money is there money. She will know the pin to his ATM but what she has in her bank account, her pin, shares, and so on are not his business. She can marry for money; it is her right. She can marry for love; it is her right. She can marry for fame; it is her right. She can marry him for any reason she so desires, it is her right. He, however, can only marry her for love. Any other reason makes him a joke of a man.

In Christ, “She is always a Blessing” A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her work bring her praise at the city gate.

 

-GSW-

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