Nicknames ladies give to men who do everything to please them while trying to date them.
-Maga
-Mugun
-Anaamu
-Mr Nice Guy
-Mumu
-The Boy Is Good
– Alarudaale
– My Sponsor
– Time Waster
– Olofo
– Our Husband (sarcastic tone used)
– Oko Iyawo) Sarcastic Tone Used
-Simp
-ATM
Growing up among ladies made me see firsthand the way they treat some men whom they don’t like but who like them feverishly and are willing to do anything to court their attention or likeness.
I remember a man who wanted to marry a friend of my sister’s. The friend didn’t like her, and he gave my sister a car just so that she could put in some effort to convince her friend to date him.
My sister’s friend nicknamed him “Mr Oloko” (Car Owner)
Have you ever noticed that the person who always agrees, always says sorry, and always tries to make everyone happy is often the person people respect the least?
A man who is always eager to please, jittery, shaky, childish in his adulation and in the display of his emotion for a lady becomes a joke to her.
It might flatter her to see that her beauty or aura has turned a human being into a zombie of sorts, but nobody wants to marry a zombie.
Since we were kids, we’ve been told that being nice is the best thing you can be. Keep the peace. Don’t argue. Make others comfortable. But there’s a point where being nice stops being kindness and starts looking like you don’t value yourself.
Especially when you are courting the affection of a lady or a man. There is a thin line between shooting your shot and being desperate.
Sometimes you get ridiculed even to your face by the person you claim to love and her friends or family members. It is not love to allow yourself be treated like a rag all because of your feelings for someone.
People-pleasing isn’t really about kindness. It’s about fear. Fear of being rejected. Fear of conflict. Fear that people won’t like you.
When you always put other people first and never protect your own limits, you don’t get more love. You just teach people that your time and your feelings don’t really matter. Here’s why being “too nice” can cost you respect and why boundaries bring it back.
Being Always Available Makes You Less Valued
Think about it like this: rare things feel valuable. Things you can get anytime don’t.
The same is true for people. If you say “yes” every time and drop everything to help, people stop seeing it as a gift. They start expecting it. And once something is expected, it stops feeling special.
I have seen ladies practically talk to men who said they loved them and wanted to be in a relationship with them like slaves.
Some will tell such a man in a commanding tone what to buy for them when he is coming to visit.
I know one whose suitor fetched over a hundred buckets of water for her while she was doing her nails when he was asking her out.
To allow yourself to be treated that way in the name of love is not suffering for love. It is losing your dignity and self-respect, and it is not good for your general well-being as a man.
Agreeing With Everyone Makes You Seem Fake
Nobody really trusts someone who agrees with everything.
You know she is saying something stupid, and yet you nod your head and say yes ma’am, even when you know the truth.
Being a pushover or spineless is not healthy for anybody. Being a pushover or spineless denigrates you in the eyes of this woman whom you are determined to befriend or, worse get married to.
If you hide your real opinions just to avoid conflict, people notice. It looks like you care more about being liked than being honest. But when you politely disagree sometimes, it shows you actually have your own mind, and that earns respect.
It Attracts People Who Take Advantage of You
Some people are very good at spotting who can’t say “no.”
If you never set limits, you accidentally push away healthy, respectful people and attract people who will use you. Good people respect a simple I can’t do that, but thanks for asking.
Bad ones look for someone who will wear themselves out just to please others.
If, as a man, you fall in this category, you really need to work on it.
Imagine going to a party with your friends, and when you get there, they expect you to go get them chairs, find them food, and make them comfortable even when you are not the celebrant or the host.
The person you want to date comes to have dinner with you and brings with her another friend or some friends, just so that they can maximise spending your money. After all, you were the one trying to date one of them…
Saying Yes When You Mean No Hurts You Slowly
Every time you say “yes” when your gut says “no,” you’re letting yourself down a little.
Over time, you start believing everyone else’s needs matter more than yours. That builds quiet anger inside you. Eventually you feel tired, upset, and resentful not because people asked for things, but because you didn’t protect your own limits.
You know you want to say no, but you are too weak to do so. You will gradually become cruel, and cruel people do very wicked things.
I have read of men who got tired of being taken advantage of by ladies who treated them as weaklings and, as a result, raped such a woman, paid others to gang-rape them, or even kill them.
People will say, “He snapped”.
Don’t twist yourself up in such a manner in the name of liking someone or loving someone.
Even in the pursuit of love, there must be respect and dignity for both parties.
Respect Comes From Boundaries, Not From Saying Yes
People don’t respect someone who lets others walk all over them. They respect someone who shows them how they want to be treated.
Setting a boundary might feel a little uncomfortable at first. But it earns respect in the long run. It tells people: I care about you, but I also care about myself.
Real kindness comes from a place of strength; you choose to be kind.
People-pleasing comes from fear; you feel like you have to.
Next time you want to over-explain yourself, say sorry for having an opinion, or say yes when you really mean no, stop for a second. Sometimes disappointing someone else is the price of being true to yourself.