There are two options to how you live your life as a believer.
Option one, do not care about anyone’s judgments or opinions, live your life in the open and live it on your terms and live free.
Option two, care about people’s judgments and opinions, live one life in the open and another one in secret, fill your cupboard with skeletons that can come back to haunt you, and live in fear.
The wise will choose the first option. The foolish will choose the second.
Some years ago, a Christian brother and I started talking about his plans to get married. He lived abroad and he wanted me to help him vet a lady he had been in a long-distance relationship with. The lady in question came to see me as she started preparing to relocate to the Vanuatu Islands where she would get married to this brother and both of them would embark on a marital journey together. As soon as we sat down to have lunch, I realized this lady had become very fidgety. Naturally, all she needed to do was come, smile, eat, and tell me some nice things about herself and the brother and I would give the brother an excellent report.
I asked the sister several times if she was okay, she said she was. We had lunch and she left. About an hour after she left, I got a call from her mother. Her mother said she wanted to know if the daughter told me the whole truth about herself when we had lunch, I asked the mother what she meant. The mother said the sister’s daughter whom she had out of wedlock desires to relocate with her mother but the mother is not considering that option because she had refused to tell her husband-to-be that she was a single mother. The elderly woman said she is 78 years old and she does not know how much longer she has to live. She was not complaining about the child living with her but who would take care of the child after she had gone? The mother felt it would be fair if the mother came clean so that the relocation could be done for both her and her daughter or not done at all.
I was not shocked by the mother’s outburst, I noticed the edginess around the lady when we had lunch earlier. She wanted to share but she was not sure if I would be judgmental or not. She didn’t want to lose the man she had found who wanted to marry her and she was willing to do just anything, including lie about the existence of a child, just so that she could keep that man. Thank God her mother was forthright I was able to discuss this with her husband-to-be and the matter was resolved quickly. She got married to him a year later with her son by her side.
Secrets are very damaging for believers. The devil loves hanging it over their head. Rumor mongers and gossip thrive off it. Blackmailers love to benefit from it. It is not worth it in the long run. Secretive people deliberately hide from their spouses or children vital information about themselves that affects them. Some could buy properties without allowing anyone in their families to know, not because they plan a surprise. They could operate bank accounts that their spouses or children are unaware of. And it isn’t that they have prepared a will that discloses the accounts and what should be done to them. Some could transact business with other people and not let their families know. Secrecy is different from privacy. Everyone is entitled to his/her privacy but secrecy can ruin relationships. Avoid dangerous secrets. While it is not right for outsiders to have personal information about you, you should be open to your spouse, children, or close family members. Being secretive to your immediate family members is dangerous to your life whether you are married, single, or yet to marry. It could be dangerous to your family, too. Avoid dangerous secrets. Don’t hide from your parents what they need to know, especially if you’re still under their control. Telling them may save you a lot of trouble. Don’t hide from your spouse information he/she should know. It may save your life, his/her life, your family, and your marriage. Some people are going through certain challenges, including spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, financial, and social but hide them from their spouses or parents. Instead, they, sometimes, confide in outsiders. This is a dangerous secret.
People are secretive for different reasons. Children could be secretive because they want to be independent of their parents. They don’t want their parents to control them. Sometimes they may not want to disappoint their parents or want them to think less of them because of the wrong things that they have done. Another reason could be that they don’t want to hurt their loving parents. It could also be because they believe their parents would not be able to help them. Some children may not be able to trust their parents with their feelings because of an earlier incident. Some spouses could be secretive because of their personality traits, past betrayal, or loss of trust in their partners. It could also be because their partners do not show enough interest in them but are only concerned about matters affecting themselves only. Another reason could be because they don’t want to hurt or bother their partners. Even outside the family, organizations could be secretive. Also, some people are secretive about matters that they should open up to people who can help them, not just anybody. Some people are proud or afraid to share with others what they are going through to receive the needed help. Thus, they suffer in silence. It’s not all people’s secrets that should be kept such as someone confiding in another that he is feeling depressed or suicidal or intends to commit suicide or harm himself/herself. If you love the person, you should inform those who can help him/her. You shouldn’t wait until the person takes extreme action before you disclose what he/she has been going through.
“After some time, when he returned to get her, he turned aside to see the carcass of the lion. And behold, a swarm of bees and honey were in the carcass of the lion. He took some of it in his hands and went along, eating. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them, and they also ate. But he did not tell them that he had taken the honey out of the carcass of the lion” (Judges 14:8-9 New King James Version). In Judges 14:5-6, when Samson went down to Timnah with his father and mother and killed the lion, he did not tell his father or his mother what he had done. He kept it secret. “So Samson went down to Timnah with his father and mother and came to the vineyards of Timnah. Now to his surprise, a young lion came roaring against him. And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he tore the lion apart as one would have torn apart a young goat, though he had nothing in his hand. But he did not tell his father or his mother what he had done” (Judges 14:5-6 New King James Version). But he didn’t stop at that. In verses 8-9, when he took some of the honey from the carcass of the lion and gave some to his father and mother to eat, Samson did not tell them that he had taken the honey out of the carcass of the lion. “After some time, when he returned to get her, he turned aside to see the carcass of the lion. And behold, a swarm of bees and honey were in the carcass of the lion. He took some of it in his hands and went along, eating. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them, and they also ate. But he did not tell them that he had taken the honey out of the carcass of the lion” Did you see that? Maybe if Samson had told his parents that he killed a lion and later took the honey out of the carcass of the lion he had killed, they could have helped him by emphasizing to him the need not to violate the oath of his consecration as a Nazirite. A Nazirite wasn’t supposed to touch anything dead so as not to be defiled but Samson touched a dead lion he had killed earlier. He scooped honey out of it, ate, and gave it to his parents and they ate it. Sin is dangerous. But secret sins are even more dangerous. Those who engage in secret sins delude themselves that nobody knows or will know. When they commit a sin secretly and it is not exposed, they are further deceived that there will be no consequences or that they can always get away with it. When one gets away with one secret sin, one is deceived to continue in this direction.
When the lady Samson wanted to marry at Timnah pressured him to tell him the meaning of the riddle he posed to the Philistines, Samson said he had not explained it to his father or mother; and asked why he should explain it to her but he later explained it to her and she went to reveal the secret to the Philistines. Avoid keeping dangerous secrets. If you have done anything untoward in secret, confess it to God and your parents or spouse. Sometimes you may have to tell the person to whom you’re accountable. Don’t keep quiet or refuse to talk about it.
A friend of mine was dating a lady once, he told another older lady about the relationship immediately, he didn’t hide anything. He told the older lady that he wants to marry this lady and outlines his plans for the lady succinctly. Months down the line, the relationship went sour, the lady the friend wanted to marry wanted to destroy his ministry and began to tell tales about him, calling him a deceiver who had no intention of marrying her but only led her on. One of the people she went to talk to was the elderly lady the friend had confided in before, the rumor died right there.
It is not a good thing to empower those with malicious intentions with secrets they can use to control you or scare you into doing their bidding. The key to being free is being open. If you want to do anything, do it right there in the open, in full glare of everyone, and disregard whatever they will say or do as a result. People don’t have to agree with you. Hypocrisy is professing something while doing something else! This is dangerous. The enemy will use it to blackmail you and gain a foothold over your life. Parents should assure their children that they will not punish them for saying the truth and they should not be afraid or feel embarrassed. Children should not be shamed for disclosing the wrongs they have done. Child predators or molesters sometimes instill fear in their victims that they will harm or kill them if they tell anyone. That’s a dangerous secret that children should not keep. Let your children have confidence in you to protect them against any harm. Tell them to inform you if anyone touches them inappropriately or tell them to keep certain information from you.
In Judges 16:1, we see the downward spiral of Samson’s life spiritually. He went to spend the night with a harlot. He further went down by going into a relationship with a woman in the Valley of Sorek, Delilah, a foreigner that the Israelites were not supposed to have a marital relationship with (verse 4). She succeeded in getting Samson to tell her the secret of his power (verses 16-17). He told his secret to the wrong person and he eventually died prematurely. That was a dangerous disclosure. Beware of dangerous secrets! Is there any secret you need to disclose for your spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, financial, and social well-being or of others? Maybe you need to tell your parents, spouse, pastor, or friend. Don’t wait until it is too late. Also, be trustworthy so that those who need to confide in you can do so. Proverbs 20:19a says he who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets. “A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter” (Proverbs 11:13 New King James Version). Beware of dangerous secrets. There is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known or come to light (Matthew 10:26; Mark 4:22; Luke 8:17; 12:2).
God sent the Prophet Nathan to David to expose his adultery with Bathsheba and the killing of her husband, Uriah (2 Samuel 12). A day is coming when God will judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ (Romans 2:16). God will bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil (Ecclesiastes 12:14).
– Always Remember this.
–GSW–