Why can’t a man win an argument with a woman he is in a relationship with?

His woman’s boss will argue with her and win

His woman’s father will argue with her and win

His woman’s brother will argue with her and win

His woman’s pastor will argue with her and win

Even when he is 100% right, if he argues with her, he loses. Why?

Intimacy demands that the conversation between a man and a woman be much more than the exchange of mere words

Communication between someone a woman is formally intimate with is different from the conversation between the woman and other people

TO other people, the communication is just an exchange of information, but to the person she is formally intimate with, communication is a constant mating game and respect-testing activity

I used the term “formally” intimate because if the same woman has a lover outside of her marriage with whom she is informally intimate, the communication style will be different, and if she has a sugar daddy somewhere with whom she is also informally intimate, the communication will be different too.

If she has someone she likes, like her crush, the communication style will be different with the person too

With her main man or husband, she can be argumentative and combative

It helps her measure his tone, challenge his stance, and see if he is still conceding to her, even when she is wrong, and if she can still have her way with him regardless of his convictions

It is a test of boundaries, his tone, his patience, his forbearance, his body language, his tolerance, his body language, whether he is condescensing or abusive (If he suspects her of cheating) or dismissive of her (If he just doesn’t care anymore)

It is not just about an exchange of information; it is about communication at every level to get a feel of the man and weigh him accurately to know where she stands with him and how far she can test his patience.

When a woman does not cheat and she and her husband have bonded as an entity, the communication between them will be simple, and they will both find it easy to pick a position of agreement on issues and abide by it

When a woman is cheating(Not necessarily having sex with the man, but has come to believe in the man and trust his opinion as another voice in her head).

She will weigh the information provided by her lover on a subject against the information provided by her husband.

This is where the argument usually stems from.

She will not be able to divulge her source, but she will be saying something based on information she got from somewhere, which she believes her husband does not know or is dismissing.

Wife: I want to go to Canada for my Master’s. (Her lover has been working on this for both of them, and she has gotten the green light, but the husband has no idea.)

Husband: What does that mean? We have a family here. You have a job, and so do I. Why can’t you just do your masters in the University next door? Where are we to raise the funds? What has gotten into you?

Wife: I have already applied, and I am likely to get the visa. I have spoken to my dad and my mum, and my bank and my cooperative about the funding, and I will be able to secure enough. When I get there, I will arrange for you and the children to join me.

Husband realises she has thought everything through without him.

He should suspect that she has someone else she has been communicating with on the matter for her to have everything so well laid out without his input.

He dismisses it.

In a typical relationship, a major event like the relocation of the family is often discussed between a husband and wife in detail, with both of them involved in the step-by-step decision and action until it is concluded.

A woman who has lost confidence in her husband merely informs him or her of her plan and if it results in an argument, she would never concede to him or change her stance because there is another entity in her life with whom she planned the whole process, and it is important to her not to let that entity down.

This entity could be her father, pastor, lover, best friend, brother, or mother. (A lover is the strongest voice of all, but any of the others will do especially if the woman has never really trusted in the leadership ability of the man or bonded with him on an emotional level in the course of the marriage)

A man often knows when another voice is in his wife’s head because no matter what he says, his own voice will never make any sense to her, no matter how sensible whatever he was saying is.

This has always been the communication model, even though most men dismiss it.

As a single entity, ladies make their decisions, and the decisions are often very smart, self-protective, and conservative because most ladies would work and save their money so that they could continue to pay their bills comfortably.

When a lady meets a man, the conservative plan expands because he is the key to the life she cannot give herself, but that she has always dreamt of.

For this reason, she must bond with him on an emotional level so that she will always be in his considerations as he makes his plans regarding the two of them and the life they plan to build together.

In most cases, he provides the means to that life, and he cannot include her and her desires in it without communication.

This ensures that the two of them are on the same page, and they will rarely have a reason to argue unless the man ends up doing the opposite of what they agreed on or treats her input with levity.

As the marriage or relationship progresses and she begins to weigh her man’s decision-making process against her desires, she might come to the conclusion that he is not capable of protecting her interests either financially, emotionally, materially, or psychologically.

Once this is established, she will look for another person with whom she can share her ideas and make her decisions.

This new person, often chosen formally in terms of a mentor, a pastor, a relative, parents, a senior colleague at work, etc., or informally like a lover or sugar daddy, becomes the second voice in her head.

From the moment she starts talking to this person, the husband or her man will notice that she would present point of view in a discussion that is not local to her.

Often, she would present these as “I have decided,” or “Just for your information,” or “I have made up my mind”, or “this is what we will do.”

At this point, the husband realises he has been cut out of the decision-making process and must either go with her decision or be left behind to sulk or find his way.

This is the classic indication that someone else has taken the place of her husband in the decision-making process, and he is no longer the dominant influence in the decision-making process of his wife.

If this person is a lover that the wife has taken, the husband becomes the third wheel in the relationship, as his destiny will be decided by his wife and her lover, as he coasts along for the ride.

If this person is a mentor, parent, or relative, the husband might find the process to be painful, but it might work out in his favour as they look out for the best for the couple in most cases.

Arguments between couples and the disposition of the female partner tell more than just the story of having a debate to see who will win.

An observing man could easily tell if it was a hand of Esau and a voice of Jacob situation

A less observant man will say, “My wife is stubborn”, “My wife does not listen to me”, “My wife makes her decisions all by herself, “My wife is headstrong”, “My wife is not a team player,” etc. No woman gets married to be the sole administrator of her life, the life of her man, and the marriage in general.

Once she has lost respect for him, she turns to someone else for counsel, and whatever the man might say from that point on becomes mere noise. Hence, the arguments continue endlessly without him winning any.

-GSW-