You are not in an abusive marriage, but you are taking advice from someone who survived an abusive marriage. Where is the wisdom in that?

 

Your husband has been open and forthright with you in every way, but you are taking advice from someone whose husband has been unfaithful and needed to do everything to protect herself. Where is the wisdom in that?

You have a husband who is happy to do house chores with you, pay the bills, and treat you like a queen. You meet a friend who saw the way your husband treats you and says to you, “Your husband is a weak man,” and you react by telling your husband to man up and act like a real man! Where is the wisdom in that?

 

You have been happily married for several years, your husband splits the bills with you, but he sorts out the plumbing, car maintenance, house maintenance, bin trashing, and other masculine chores while you own your kitchen, do the laundry, and other feminine chores.

 

A big sister in church told you that you are allowing your husband to treat you like a wash hand basin? Push back, assert your independence and authority….And you did it? Where is the wisdom in that?

You and your husband have been living in joy and bliss for over four years.

 

He likes to party, and even though you really don’t like to party, you adapted, and both of you will spend the weekends attending one function or the other. Your husband called you his soul mate, and you realized that by doing what he liked with him, he grew very fond of you and became even more committed to your union.

 

You got pregnant, and your mother came to help you out because you were placed on bed rest. Your husband didn’t slow down; he continued to party hard every weekend, just like you both usually did. He would have served no useful purpose staying at home with you anyway.

 

Your mother began to bicker and complain.

You are spending all your time and money on parties when your mates are building houses and buying cars.

Did you come to New York to become a socialite?

Wouldn’t you do something tangible with your earnings while you are still young?

 

Your mother’s sermons stung you and changed you.

You began to resent your husband, you resumed work and began to keep a separate account number, you began to buy properties in your name, and you changed so much that your husband didn’t recognize his wife again.

Within two years of your mother’s visit, you were divorced.

What is the wisdom in that?

 

Women have no business giving other women advice. One woman cannot truly understand or represent the reality of other women.

When it comes to marriage, every wife has been given the wisdom to work with her own husband.

The template for one will not work for the other

Some years ago, two young ladies would sneak out of secondary school to meet their boyfriends, who were undergraduates.

 

One of the ladies got pregnant, and her boyfriend took her home to meet his parents, and his father accepted her and the pregnancy.

They threw a lavish wedding for the couple with a honeymoon in Italy.

The other lady was at the party, and she began to do everything in her power to get pregnant for her boyfriend, too.

She did.

He told her to abort it, and she refused

She went to meet his mother behind his back to report to her that he had gotten her pregnant and told her to abort the pregnancy.

 

His mother said, “Go and have the baby at your parents’ house. When the baby is one year old, bring the baby to me. The children of his older ones are all here with me. Bring your baby to join them. We don’t get married in this family; we, however, encourage having many children.”

 

It was not the response she expected

Her boyfriend’s mother was a judge. She was well educated, and she was a Christian. Her boyfriend was the only son and the last child. She was expecting a glorious reception, wedding bells, baby shower, honeymoon in Dubai, shopping in Europe, and so on.

 

She ended up spending two years out of school and dropping the baby off with his grandmother as instructed when she gained admission to the polytechnic.

There is no wisdom in listening to someone whose lifestyle and experiences are not yours or trying to replicate something that happened to someone else in your marriage and relationships.

Remember this.

 

-GSW-