Cheating in a relationship is a decision. It is not and will never be a mistake. One of the things a lot of cheats, especially the “female” cheat, hides behind is “I don’t know what came over me” or “I was not in my senses”, or “It just happened”, or “It was out of my control.”
Pre-affair behaviour: This stage involves the individual starting to consider looking elsewhere as a result of feeling unsatisfied or unfulfilled in their current relationship. This dissatisfaction could be a result of anything ranging from sexual fulfilment to financial or seeking thrills due to boredom or just cheating for the fun of it
When a cheat decides to cheat, he or she puts out feelers out there psychologically that he or she is interested in a sexual or emotional relationship.
A person who is closed to relationships does everything to discourage sexual interest from others and attraction of any form of relationship or friendship from another person
A person who is open to a relationship will seek out possible candidates on social media, join online dating apps, and use hookup apps. He or she will be in chats with various people from different pools, such as school alumni groups, social groups, religious groups, friends, colleagues, and so on
If he or she is looking for a one-night stand, he or she will visit bars where there is a possibility of that, and if he or she is looking for a long-term romantic thing, he or she will seek out possible candidates that fits his or her profile
Affair behaviour: In this stage, the individual begins a romantic, emotional, cyber or sexual relationship with someone outside their current relationship, often experiencing feelings of excitement, passion, and newness.
Stage One of Infidelity: The Blame Game
I’ve discovered that when eighty percent of affairs are discovered, the cheating partner almost always finds excuses for themselves. They twist the truth, repeatedly finding fault with their innocent partner, pushing all the blame onto the person who did nothing wrong. Their common excuses are: you’re not capable enough, you don’t understand romance, you don’t care about me, you don’t earn enough money, so-and-so is more considerate than you! Basically, in the cheater’s mind, even if I’m sleeping with someone else, it’s still your fault — who told you to be so inadequate!
Stage Two of Infidelity: The Escalation
When cheaters use financial reasons, life problems, or other issues as excuses for their cheating, they might struggle internally, but their behaviour becomes increasingly unreasonable.
If you don’t make a big deal about it, the marriage might survive for a while. But if you do confront them, they’ll find every way possible to criticize you, constantly attacking your weak spots! Even if you let things slide, they’ll gradually start finding fault with everything you do. At this stage, cheaters become extremely defensive, and their words turn vicious. You generally can’t reason with them!
It is your fault for finding out the cheater cheated. Why can’t you choose to remain ignorant? Must you find out? Must you investigate? What are you solving for? What you are looking for, you have found!
I have done what I did. You either accept it and move on or let me go. Stop referring to it. Didn’t you say you forgave me? Why are you throwing it in my face?
Stage Three of Infidelity: The False Turnaround
Remember, Stage Two is a turning point that determines your marriage’s future.
If Stage Two runs its normal course, usually after about three months, the cheater’s attitude will take a major shift. They’ll stop criticizing you, focusing on their own things, and not letting you interfere. But gradually, they’ll start communicating again, even sharing their inner thoughts.
At first glance, it might seem like they’re coming back around, but don’t celebrate too soon — this is a clear characteristic of Stage Three.
In Stage Three, cheaters might even initiate heart-to-heart talks with you, sometimes even in tears, asking you to understand and accept their situation.
Remember, at this point, nothing you say matters — saying less is better. Whether you agree or not, they’ll act completely justified, even communicating with their lover right in front of you, treating you like you’re invisible.
Stage One of Infidelity: The Blame Game
I’ve discovered that when eighty percent of affairs are discovered, the cheating partner almost always finds excuses for themselves. They twist the truth, repeatedly finding fault with their innocent partner, pushing all the blame onto the person who did nothing wrong. Their common excuses are: you’re not capable enough, you don’t understand romance, you don’t care about me, you don’t earn enough money, so-and-so is more considerate than you! Basically, in the cheater’s mind, even if I’m sleeping with someone else, it’s still your fault — who told you to be so inadequate!
One-time cheating involves a single instance of infidelity, where a partner engages in a sexual or emotional relationship with someone outside the relationship. This can be a one-time mistake, and the cheater may feel remorseful and take steps to repair the damage done to the relationship.
Repeated cheating, on the other hand, involves a pattern of behaviour where a partner engages in infidelity more than once. This can indicate deeper underlying issues, such as a lack of commitment or unresolved relationship problems.
Repeated cheating can be particularly damaging to the betrayed partner’s emotional well-being and can erode trust and intimacy in the relationship. Both can be damaging, but with repeated cheating, it can be a cycle that you really need to be aware of so you can truly understand the implications of staying with that person if you decide to.
Reconciliation: In this stage, the individual may apologize and promise to change their behaviour, often seeking forgiveness and attempting to rebuild trust in the relationship. At this point, the wronged party has a decision of how to move forward, and maybe that is where you are at right now.
Forgiving a cheating partner is a gamble.
He or she may conclude that the problem is being discovered and not the cheating in itself.
He or she may also conclude that once the cheating has been discovered, it is only a matter of time before their partner cheats back or leaves them. This leads to insecurity and ruins the dynamics of the relationship with suspicion, accusations, jealousy, and gaslighting.
He or she may decide that it is best to leave the relationship rather than be accountable and shamed for cheating
He or she may decide not to take the blame for cheating, claiming it is the devil or some other forces that made them cheat
A discovered cheat may become defiant and insist he or she cheated because he or she was already done with the relationship and was shopping for a replacement for their partner
Discovering a cheat does not always lead down one path.
It is only the point at which several decisions have to be made by both the cheater and the cheater’s partner.