There is a golden rule for women who intend to get married and be successful in their marriages: NEVER TAKE MARITAL COUNSEL FROM ANOTHER WOMAN. Not your mother, not your sister, not your aunt, not your female friends, not your pastor’s wife, not your school mother, not a female podcaster, or Mother Theresa. Men are best positioned to counsel women on marriages. Listen to your Father, your Older Brother, your Uncle, your male Pastor. Men are the customers in a marriage, and the customer is always right. Women are by nature designed to say one thing when they mean another.

Remember the expression, “A woman has the right to change her mind”. It means a woman can be a feminist today and go about propagating feminist views because of her current situation and condition, only for her to meet Mr. RIGHT tomorrow and begin to preach submission, true love, and marital bliss, also because of her condition. A woman can preach celibacy and sexual purity on the altar and even go on to write books about it while she is sleeping with whoever asks on a whim. This is not an indictment of the female gender; it is an understanding of the conditioning and evolution of the female species in adapting to life and happiness.

I have seen several ladies transition from “I hate men to I love men” within a minute. I sat with a lady once at a restaurant, she started telling me how she is comfortable with her life as it was, and how she has decided that she does not want to get married or have a relationship because she has prioritized her freedom and wouldn’t want any man to take it from her in the name of marriage. Then I said to her, “I asked you here because I plan to marry you, but hearing your views on marriage and men now, I think I will keep my ring and find a woman who is more comfortable with being a wife.” She stared at me and said, “Really? Are you pulling my legs? Show me the ring.” So, I showed her the ring.

Then she goes, “I didn’t really mean all that. I have been alone for so long, and those are the things I say to myself to cope with my situation. I don’t want to die of depression, and nothing kills a woman like waking up every day and waiting for a man who never arrives in the name of getting married and having a relationship. I love you, and I really don’t hate men in that sense. I love marriage, and I want to be married. I know I will make a very good wife to any man who comes asking for my hand in marriage.” That is the truth.

In a world where so many women are turning to dildos and their fingers in order to get a bit of sexual release, coping with the scarcity of men requires that you tell yourself things like “I don’t need men”, “I am fine without men”, “What is man to me?” “Men are evil”, “Men are scum, “Men are bad”, “Men are the devil,” and so on. It is the same principles that make a poor man say “Money is evil”, “Money is bad”. “Money is demonic”, “Money corrupts”. He is saying it, but he is looking for how to make money and become financially stable. When he becomes financially stable, he stops saying things like that and begins to preach “financial prosperity”, “Secure the bag”, “Money is freedom”, “Money is power”.

In both examples, the initial position is a coping mechanism. A way to deal with the harsh realities of life due to the prevailing circumstances, the woman and the poor man are dealing with at the time. I counsel young ladies to keep away from WhatsApp groups where there are ladies like them who refer to themselves as friends.

These folks are competing with you. You are all single, of marriageable age, and you sit in a WhatsApp group bashing men, discussing each other’s relationships, dreams, and aspirations. It is the case of crabs in a bucket; one will not allow the other to escape. You are all selling the same product. It is true that there are many customers, but until you secure your own man, every eligible man out there is a potential husband to every woman in that group. You don’t listen to your competitors in a capitalist economy, you listen to your customers. Customer is KING!

I know a lot of single ladies who strut about as single and proud in church, but are side chicks in secret. I didn’t say I know one or two or three. I know several! If you give them the microphone to speak to young women, they will say all the right things that the church has programmed them to say, but when they are not in church, they do the things they believe they have to do to cope with life.

Some years ago, when I was younger, I used to call it out and judge and get irritated by such ‘women”. As I matured, however, I realised that for many people in this world, where they are and where they are going or aiming to be are two different realities. There is a place called “In transit.”

They are on their way to a destination, but they are not at the destination yet. While they are still on the journey, they define where they are in their evolution and reality, and they talk about it because that is their current situation.

A single man says, “I am better off alone. I don’t need a woman in my life. Women are a liability. Women are a bag of trouble. Who needs a wife? And then he will go on and share examples of all the promiscuous women and the rate of divorce and all the wickedness women have done to men, which he could recount.”

The following month, he gets a job, and the month after that, he comes to you to introduce his pregnant girlfriend. He says he wants to get married and begins to talk about the woman being the best thing that has happened to his destiny. His opinion when he was in transit becomes a stark contrast to his opinion when he arrives at his destination. This is the way of life for most people.

The advantage men have when it comes to marriage is the same advantage a customer has when it comes to purchasing a product. Since the man is the one doing the finding, he has the advantage of choice. He knows what other men like. He knows what other men fear. He knows what he admires in the women he sees with other men. He knows what would sell a woman to a man. He also has the advantage of word of mouth and the male relationship bond; he can easily recommend a lady to another man, and the man would take his word for it that the woman is good for him.

The person to listen to and to take counsel from as a woman who wants to get married and stay happily married is a man.

A man knows the kind of woman he wants even when he has nothing to his name. A woman may claim she knows the kind of man she wants, but she can only pick from the kind of men that come calling on her. She can want Michael Jordan and find herself attracting the likes of Kevin Hart, Aki, Pawpaw, and Portable. They most likely won’t come to her all at once. If they came at once, she could size them up and pick the best according to her preference, but if they came one after the other with six-month or one-year intervals in between their calling on her.

She most likely would dismiss Kevin Hart because he is too short compared to Michael Jordan, and then dismiss Aki for the same reason. By the time Pawpaw comes, she will begin to get the message that this is most likely the kind of men her personality is attracting, and give him a listening ear. This is where the term “Don’t be picky” comes in. This term does not apply to men because they are the king of choice. It applies to women because they get to pick from the options that are made available to them.

Life is in phases.

I was once an atheist, then I became an agnostic, then I became a nominal Christian, then I became a born-again Christian. The same way a lady can start out as a lover girl, then become an angry girl after one or two heartbreaks, then become a bitter girl after another heartbreak, then become a feminist or a misandrist, but then she could meet a man who loves her right and fall in love and get married and have children. It is life.

All her experiences on her journey to her final destination are valid. The things she said when she was angry at men, bitter at men, hated men, and then found love and got married were all part of her evolution. The problem, however, is that while many ladies are on the journey, they will set up microphones and start dishing out advice to other ladies.

Someone will start preaching celibacy, and then she will get pregnant. Another person will be preaching sexual purity while she is a side chick. Someone will be preaching abstinence and then get sick from committing abortion.

Don’t put yourself under undue pressure to be an example to others while your life is yet unfolding. Don’t preach about your journey and try to justify where you are or define your coping mechanism as your destination. Just live.

Life is an adventure; we are all unfolding new chapters every day.

Those who once preached against divorce learnt bitterly after their own divorce that life is not a journey that can be predicted halfway. Many who once preached against remarriage after divorce, got divorced, and are now remarrying or are already remarried

Many who once preached sin and judgment have evolved and now preach Christ and eternal life

Misandrists are getting married and fiercely defending and protecting their husbands and families.

In all these, the constant and logical pillars of truth on marriage are men.

If, as a woman, you want to get married and stay married, listen to men.

-GSW-