Good morning, sir. God bless you.

Today’s word is for me. My dad left an inheritance, but I have nothing to show for it.

In 2003, my family sold a London house – I gave my husband all the money I got to do business (all). He bought a vsat internet from America, which he abandoned in a building in Obalende. He was running an internet cafe then.

2005 – A small property was sold in Surulere. He collected the whole of my share of the money to pay a debt.

2008 – My mum gave him one of the family properties to secure a loan, with a struggle

He repaid it just before we were disgraced.

Only my first sister and mum knew about this; all the other siblings didn’t know.

2012 – he convinced me to ask my mum, who liked him a lot, to drop the property she was living in without any of her children knowing, saying he would give it back in a year, as he wanted to buy a security marine boat from Julius Berger. He had a third-party contract. He bought the boat, which has not worked to date.

He could not service the loan because he refused to work, and his business was not yielding anything.

I was in London with my mum to have my 4th child when my sister called to say the bank wanted to repossess my mum’s house.

My mother had to tell them the truth, and this made her very upset with me. Everyone was against me as they did not know when this happened and thought we played my mum.

My sisters had to protect the property by taking him to court.

They said it was a fraud. The relationship was very strained.

The court date was postponed and the process my mum passed in 2014 due to sickness.

She forgave him and told my siblings to forgive him.

In 2019. The family sold another property, kept the bulk of the money, and gave me N10m. Charges on loan were now like N60m. I was so unhappy.

Things were tough; we struggled to even pay the children’s school fees in London,

By this time, I had to come to London with the children.

This was 10 years ago.

As things stand now, I am renting both in Lagos and Nigeria.

Whenever the family shares any money, I give it to him.

I called my sister when I made the discovery that the family shared more money than was given to me.

I cried and asked her why they didn’t give me all mine so we could start negotiating with the bank.

She said they had put the money into treasury bonds as they wanted to go ahead with the case, and they wanted him to pay for it himself.

Eventually, I collected it, we found favour with the bank to pay the principal, and we were able to collect my mum’s papers.

I spent everything I had on that.

This trend has been going on for a while, even in my master’s grad, my name was not on the list as I had borrowed him my school fees, which he defaulted on but paid at a future date.

As I had explained, I tried to relocate back to Nigeria. I also got loans here in London, which I sent some to him, and when I had the IT job, I was just servicing loans.

Then came the redundancy option at work last year.

I thought of taking it to go to Lagos, start a school, and renovate one of the properties in Surulere given to me, and leave my debts in London behind, as it was overwhelming.

I took the redundancy, and God was able to help me do that.

I was expecting the children who had graduated to find work in London so they could manage the rent, but one has been unemployed for 7 months after graduating, so all my plans didn’t work.

I left the school project I was doing and came back to London, as I also still have a 13-year-old

I got to London, but I was not settled financially.

So I have a 24-year-old working, 22 who was unemployed but got a job this week, even though it was not a career job.

I have another child who is twenty years old and in the university, who is taking a year out in the industry to work, and a 13-year-old.

I came back to seek help from the government to pay rent, as the children could not pay it all.

The debt letters were overwhelming, so I sought a debt relief order, which only cancels after a year in October if my income remains the same as a self-employed seeking help from govt or if I get work and don’t have over £75 left monthly after paying bills.

This is February, and where I am.

Two years ago, he did some work for an oil company and was able to get a property in lekki which he collected the key for 2 days ago.

The plan was that it was for investment, and we would use it to secure a place in London so we can help the children with the Bills so that I can return to Nigeria.

He said I cannot return to Nigeria because he is still not settled and does not have anything to do at the moment.

After collecting the keys, I asked about his plan for the money.

He said that, supposing he sells for 300 million/400 million, he will put some in bonds and use half for an estate project in Lagos as a developer, as London is not an investment.

When I got the redundancy money, I gave him part of it and used the rest to renovate without telling him how much I got.

When the debt letters were much and I was stressed, he said why did I get loans when I knew I was going to leave work. (I gave him part of the loans and redundancy; in actual fact, he was the one who pushed me to take the loans)

Right now, my family is thinking of selling one of the big properties we have.

I told him about it, but I didn’t tell him the full amount being expected.

He knows it’s in Ikoyi and we are 12 children, but he knows I would still get a bit.

I said to him that I want to buy a cheap property outside London so can use the rent to supplement the rent for the children in London, as we cannot afford any property in London.

He said I should give him that money to add to the real estate, so he would keep about half of his own money in bonds, and then the other half and mine that I would give him would be used for the real estate.

He said he would be sending money to help with the rent.

I said NO! I am not investing in any business.

The school I did is not yielding any profit yet, and the short let I did, which he insisted on, was not making money either.

He now said what will I give him from the money, for the first time, I said nothing.

I said I am still praying for God’s guidance as to what to do, as there are offers to buy.

He got angry and said it’s my money, I should do what I want, I should not tell him again about it anymore.

I know he was manipulating me emotionally; he has done this for many years, and it always worked because I had never been able to say no to him, despite knowing he is the reason my fortune and that of the family has suffered since the very day I met him.

That is where we are today.

He always bullies me.

I give in to everything he says.

None of my family members talks to him; they hate him completely.

Sorry for the long story should have sent a voice note instead.

Thank you for the message again, sir.

Any advice would be great, looking into the stock as well, as I don’t have a good understanding of it.

PS: Don’t marry a leech.

Don’t relinquish your resources to a man in the name of marriage.

Stop pouring your inheritance into black holes.

Stop supporting men who are unproven in business.

If he didn’t make money selling popcorn, he would not make money selling Solar Panels.

If you know more about money than him, his role as a husband will not automatically make him proficient in business.

Don’t fall for gaslighting and manipulation.

Stand your ground and protect your children’s inheritance.

Teach your children to think this way, too.

They are the ones with the anointing, so the money should be invested in them.

They should not squander your hard work by selling it off and giving the money to anyone in the name of love or marriage.

-GSW-