Women are allowed to have standards, but men are supposed to accept whoever shows up and be grateful for the opportunity. At least, that’s what you might conclude from some of the conversations happening online.

A woman can announce that she wants a man who is six feet tall, earns six figures, has a six-pack, packing more than 6 below the waist (you know what I mean), has a full head of hair, owns property, plans romantic dates, pays the bills, communicates perfectly, possesses the emotional intelligence of a licensed therapist, must be able to mind-read, and be able to move the heavens for her.

These are all reasonable requests.

And if anyone says, maybe your desires are too strong, well…the response is, “Queen, never settle!”

But let a man say he prefers a woman who takes care of her body, and suddenly we need to call a press conference.

“He’s shallow!”

“He’s toxic!”

“He’s insecure!”

“He’s intimidated by confident women!”

Hard Pill To Swallow: Ladies, Men Are Not “Intimidated” By Your Money or Age

They are just not interested in you.

Good heavens, ladies. He said he likes women who exercise. He didn’t announce a government policy banning everybody else from dating.

I find this particularly entertaining because the same women who proudly declare that they know their worth can become deeply offended when a man announces that he knows what he wants. Apparently, self-worth is empowering when it comes with a list of demands for men, but misogyny when a man has a list of his own.

How convenient.

You cannot demand the freedom to choose while insisting that the other person must choose you.

And before somebody starts screaming that physical appearance is all that matters, let’s be clear: being in shape doesn’t automatically make someone a good partner.

A physically fit man can be an absolute nightmare to date, just as a physically fit woman can be. Character, kindness, compatibility, and emotional maturity matter enormously. But that doesn’t mean physical attraction suddenly becomes irrelevant because discussing it makes somebody uncomfortable.

Attraction is personal.

People have different preferences, and not every preference needs to be universally approved before someone is allowed to have it.

What bothers me is the apparent expectation that men should be endlessly accommodating about women’s preferences while pretending they have no preferences of their own.

A woman can say she wants a man who is tall, muscular, wealthy, and ambitious, and she’s simply being honest about what she finds attractive. A man can say he prefers a woman who is fit, and apparently he’s conducting a public referendum on women’s bodies.

Ladies, please. We cannot have it both ways.

If you believe women should be able to set standards, then you should understand why men want to set standards, too. That doesn’t mean every standard is reasonable, realistic, or free from prejudice.

People can absolutely be criticized for cruelty, hypocrisy, or treating others as disposable. But having a preference is not automatically an act of oppression.

And here’s another uncomfortable point: a standard is not a demand that somebody else change for you. It’s a criterion you use to decide whether you’re compatible.

If a man wants a partner who shares his fitness habits, he can look for that woman. If you don’t meet his preferences, you can look for a man whose preferences align with yours.

Nobody needs to be villainised simply because the two of you aren’t a match.

So, ladies, keep your standards. Want the successful man, the tall man, the handsome man, the emotionally intelligent man who remembers your birthday and knows the difference between a thoughtful gift and something he grabbed at a fuel station on the way home.

But please understand that men are allowed to have standards, too.

You are not entitled to be everybody’s type simply because you consider yourself a catch.

And if a man says he prefers a woman who is in shape, you don’t have to date him. You don’t have to agree with him. You don’t even have to like him.

But calling him toxic simply because he has a preference doesn’t make you empowered.

It makes you a woman who wants standards to be a one-way street.