GSW: No please, that was why I didn’t want to give it vent. I didn’t want the problem to seem as if it does not have a solution already. If when we have gotten into Christ we are still like that in our thinking, we are in serious trouble. That means there will be no solution to our dilemma. Those of us who are married here and still have those sort of issues in our homes are not doing God proud in anyway. I am saying this with all boldness. To be married and be discontented or restless or unsettled or at a constant state of unease is not a New Creation’s reality. You are married, your husband has no idea what is going on in your mind but you are suffering through it because of the “marriage” even though you are unhappy and would rather do something else with your life. That is not how it is meant to be in Christiandom. Not in this reality. If that is how you are or are feeling in this reality, you cannot afford to keep quiet and suffer for nothing. I know both ends of this story.
To be married to a partner who is not satisfied in the union as an entity and still seeks other forms of validation from other things is a recipe for disaster. If you suddenly have an urge to reach for things that you and your spouse did not envisage, dream for or desire. You must watch it. I am dealing with too many cases of this type nowadays especially from ladies whose family members and friends sell lies to and they believe it at the expense of their marriages or husbands. There is a case I will be handing in Ajah on Saturday in which the wife is insisting her glory is in Abroad and the husband is not willing to travel. Her family contributed money and organized travel for her. She is going to Canada now. It was not the plan before. The plan was to set up a fashion house and her husband took a loan of 30 million to set her up just this year January. Suddenly she didn’t want that again. She now wants to relocate to Canada. Both of them are believers and the marriage is three years old, no children. Husband can’t travel because he is still paying back loans and he is running his father’s saw mill in Badagry.
If we are coming into marriage for financial benefit, let us say so with out full chest. If it is for love, let that be stated. If it is for money, it is not a crime. If it is a stepping stone to fulfilling our careers or having children etc. Let both partners be on the same page. Using our spouses to get ahead in life is cruel and ungodly. A wife should be able to talk to her husband and share her aspirations and dreams. She cannot insist on them. she however should be able to express them without any fear or shame. The husband should be able to do the same. Once it is communicated, there should be a discussion. How do we achieve this, what will it cost us, how will it affect the family. Analyze and think things through as a couple and accept the pragmatic
decision that you find to be the best for everybody. Life sometimes take some sharp turns. You can marry a journalist and he suddenly becomes a pastor. You can marry a house wife and she suddenly becomes a nurse. Personal development is not supposed to kill a marriage. it is supposed to make it
better. You are not in a competition and the win of one is the win of all.
I have seen husbands say their wives can’t do Masters or PhD or get a particular job because it will
make her earn more money. That is rubbish! Wives also should not feel inadequate due to the achievements of the Husband. This is not how marriage in this Kingdom will work. Two heads, one mind and one Spirit. That is Marriage in this Kingdom. To have unrest in a marriage is the beginning of rebellion. Eve was not settled into Adam. The serpent exploited that window. In The Godfather, Sonny and the don’s voice were not one in a negotiation and their competitor decided to solve the problem by killing the Don so that Sonny can do business with him. When a house is divided, all sorts of things will creep in. Husbands must encourage their wives to speak freely even if what they desire to say makes little or no sense. Wives must allow their husbands to speak freely even if what they desire to say makes little or no sense. Let the ideas be given free expression without any bias or fear. Who else is your spouse supposed to say rubbish to? who else is your spouse suppose to share ridiculous dreams with?
Husband and wife are always travelling, wife tells husband she wants to buy a BenZ truck. Husband said and drive it to where? we are always on the road. Wife said I just want to own one. Husband said okay. Later, wife said I don’t want to own one anymore but I want a ride in one. wife is happy. they went to town and husband rented one and they took a drive in it. if he didn’t let her get it out of her system it will become cancer. that’s how discontentment starts. Both of them should be able to talk freely even if what they want to do makes no sense. Wife wants to do masters, she bought form at Unilag and started preparing, when they gave them date of exam, it fell on their wedding day. husband said they will have to
cancel the wedding. wife said she will write the exam next year. they had the wedding. husband did not turn it to a fight or call her stupid for buying the form even though she knew it might clash with wedding date. We should not stifle each other no matter how ridiculous the desire, let us allow free expressions within our unions. wives should not turn everything to midnight talk.
Serious discussions can be hard at anytime. some of us don’t like the “I want us to talk later thing” If you have something to say, just say it. I hate the way discontentment eats at the soul of a man. I have been there and i know it never goes away until it is addressed. if you don’t allow it to be addressed and dealt with it will only grow bigger and bigger over time and then it becomes pent up emotion and people start blowing up anyhow. There is nothing wrong in having desires and there is nothing wrong with sharing them and working together to bring them to pass. Please family, implement this immediately in your marriages. Ask each other constantly, what do you dream of doing this month or this year or tomorrow, for fun and pleasure. I have learnt that marriage needs a bit of adventure. boredom is a thing for the men and neglected desire is a thing for women.