We haven’t addressed the most important part of this story—the suicide of her son. When a mother feels unloved by her husband and powerless, she often confides in her child or children. She shares all the pain, frustrations, and negative feelings she has toward her husband and the marriage. I’ve seen this happen in many homes and marriages.

Some children are emotionally strong and can separate truth from falsehood, but others are more vulnerable and absorb everything they hear completely. In this case, her eldest son was closest to her and bore the full weight of her misery. She poured her pain into him, lamenting and burdening him with all her woes. Sadly, the boy fell into depression and eventually took his own life.

This is why she now feels overwhelming guilt and wants to leave the marriage. She didn’t want to leave before, but now she’s desperate, knowing that her son’s death was a result of this heavy emotional burden she passed on.

I understand the feelings involved, but I want to ask some important questions:

• If you leave the marriage, how will you take care of yourself?
• What about the possibility of a new relationship at age 50?
• What about the children and their emotional well-being?

She told me she’s comfortable leaving the other children with her husband, admitting he is the better parent. She’s essentially trying to run away from her guilt. The son she was closest to was the one who died because of the emotional weight she gave him. Let’s all learn from this.

Additionally, she has no income, no support system, and no one to help her. Yet, she is determined to leave and even wants to travel abroad to start fresh—alone and without any intention of remarrying. This is important for all of us to understand.

I can share many stories of parents who fell into this same trap, and how it ultimately destroyed their children—especially their firstborn or favorite child. Don’t ruin your children’s lives by venting your frustrations on them. They deserve to live good, healthy lives without carrying your burdens. Keep your baggage to yourself. This applies not just to the first child. I know a woman who singled out her third-born son, did the same, and he also died. He hated his father because he only saw him through the negative lens his mother created.

Let your children live independently of your struggles. This is crucial.

I also know a woman who lost her home because she saw her husband only through the stories her mother told about her own father. She’s now been divorced three times. Mothers are powerful influencers, and some children are highly impressionable. Don’t badmouth your spouse to your children. Women do this more than men, but it always ends up harming the child. We must all learn from this.

The way forward for this woman is not divorce. If she leaves alone, she risks her life. At 50, it may be too late to teach her son anything, especially since the other children are distant from her because of past mistakes. The husband likely told the children she was responsible for the first son’s death. Male children tend to be closer to their mother, female children closer to their father. Notice how she said the other children are close to their dad and will be fine without her. She is isolated because of the choices she made—and this is why she feels like an outsider in the family she helped build.

If you have been doing this, stop. It will only end in tears and sorrow.

As I close, I want to say that all our counsel and comments here are well-intentioned. We come from different backgrounds and life experiences, so all perspectives are welcome—whether it’s separation, divorce, or something else. But we must always ask the Holy Spirit what the way forward is. He does not want anyone to perish.

This woman may never win back her husband’s heart. If she were my wife, after losing a child, there would be no turning back. I would do everything to protect the other children from her. That said, she is still a child of God who has made many wrong choices.

As a wife and woman, it’s important to work. This gives you channels to pour your energy into instead of pouring it onto your children. Even without a 9-to-5 job, find a purpose, a project, or a vision to pursue. This is vital.

Marriages are tough. I won’t pretend it’s easy all the time. You must be able to add value to the marriage beyond managing the home and sex. Not all men prioritize sex; some just want children and to fulfill their destiny. Especially in ministry, it’s tough to have a husband willing to have sex four times a week!

Without a job, where will you channel your energy?

I remember my wife once told me she spends time praying for me. I told her no—I don’t need that prayer, and I meant it. Because if she prays for me, she might one day claim, “You achieved this because of my prayer,” which would be a lie. I can pray my own prayers and get there myself.

Many in ministry are single and still doing great exploits. You don’t need a spouse to be your backbone. Both husband and wife must support themselves and fulfill their destiny.

Her husband obviously didn’t see her prayers as a job or source of income. When pastors who are financially comfortable tell their wives to work, it’s because they know prayer alone won’t pay the bills. She needs a job to channel her energy away from the children and stop filling their ears with bitterness.

I have a pastor friend whose wife is a true gift. When he ministers, she prays, receives visions, and sends him notes at the altar. They are based in California, USA, and their ministry is flourishing because they are aligned and codependent in a healthy way. If your prayers have no impact, please don’t bother.

The Lord will heal this marriage, and the woman will learn and grow. There will be no burden of guilt or divorce. It may take time, but she will win back her home. There may not be sex, but there will be love.

I love you all. You are my joy, and this fellowship is the glory of Jesus everywhere.