GSW: Please sir, therapy is a requirement. You cannot manage it from outside. She or he must build that self esteem from within. You can support or help the person as much as you can but it is “self” esteem for the reason that it is up to self to work on it. A husband is supposed to have a wife that he can be himself with, not someone he is careful not to offend all the time. Small talk, is not small fight or small quarrel time. You should have small talk and you should be gist buddies. By husband I mean your partner.

The reason some men have strong bonds with some of their exes is as a result of how free and joyful they are in the company of that person. It is hard work having to pretend to be someone else in a marriage or relationship. Sooner or later you get tired of acting and you begin to do what you are comfortable with. You have only one life, you want to live it well and live it joyfully. I normally like being in fellowship and talking to people, not just preaching but mingling and just catching fun. I cannot do it again now because I am brother Gbenga. I miss it a lot but I get it. I understand that it is required for the position I have found myself. I will now get back to my office or car and the woman in my life who I am supposed to say I
love will now start giving me grief again?

Haba. I don’t want to be Brother Gbenga in the car with my wife. I want to be her friend and unwind with her and laugh and gist and share things I cannot share with others. This is how I believe it should be.

I am asking up to loosen up and not make life difficult for our partners. If you make life hard for him, he will make life hard for you back. Nobody has a monopoly of madness. Let your men breathe, let them see you as a place of comfort to come home to, let them be settled so well that they can come home and share their mistakes and even bad decisions with you. I say this to the men too please. It is just that this morning, my mind is reeling from that example sister Bisi gave and the woman’s reaction. It is unhealthy. Let me make you laugh. One lady wanted to make her boyfriend jealous, she began to play hanky panky games with her phone, she will be hiding it in a clumsy way so he will notice, she started talking about going on a date with another guy…So the guy started playing the same game back. Pretending to be talking to another lady and hiding his phone. She started crying and even accused him of cheating on her. He never asked her for her phone or checked it but she demanded his phone and began to go through his messages. I laughed when they shared this with me. If you can’t take war, don’t start war.

Tell that impulse it is not worth it. I got another case yesterday… This one is serious and I am still on it. This guy was given a female PA in the office. His wife protested. He applied that the PA be changed. The
PA was changed. He was given a male PA. The PA became his wife’s very close pal. He didn’t protest. The wife says He knows I cannot mess up with his PA but she was sure He can mess up with a female PA. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Husband became friends with the other PA that was sent to another department. Wife heard it and began to raise hell. Wife called me and I said Your husband is doing this deliberately. To make it stop, you have to stop being close to his PA. She said No. His PA tells me all his secrets and that is why he wants to take him away from me.

I begged her o, pleaded with her. She refused. Husband is going to Egypt for a conference, instead of taking the male PA he took the female, male PA ran to wife to protest. She called her husband. Husband said it is his desire and he will do what he likes. Wife says “I will poison you and watch you die if you go with her” Husband has gone with her now. Wife is crying at home. It is Brother Gbenga that all of them are troubling with this wahala.

My point is, we all don’t process things the same way. there is a feminine perception of reality and there is a masculine perception. We need both. Let your husband be a man and be comfortable with it. He should let you be a woman and be comfortable with it. You both should be each other’s best friends and be comfortable in each other’s space all the time. What do you want to gain by making the life of your own husband or wife difficult or trying to change them after marriage so that they lose themselves and their very nature? Maybe you should have married yourself or just remain single. A good partner rubs off
on his or partner in a subtle way that is measurable over time. Appreciate the differences you both bring to the table and please allow your partner breathe.