Both families were attending the same church.

An Air Vice Marshall (A deacon in the church), his wife (A deaconess in the church), and their four children. Three girls and one boy.

The second family was made up of a Teacher (a deacon in the church), his wife (A deaconess in the church and their four children (All girls)

The Air Vice Admiral’s daughter got pregnant at the age of 17. His father flew him and his other children to their house in the USA, where they were well taken care of until she delivered a baby boy

The teacher’s first daughter got pregnant at the age of 17.

The other boy, responsible for the pregnancy, refused to take responsibility for it, and it became a huge scandal.

The parents were removed from serving among the deaconate because the scripture says a man who has no rulership over his family is not fit to lead the church.

The other man and his wife were still in the deaconate. The AVM’s wife, who was leading the Young Women’s group in church before her daughter got pregnant, returned to Nigeria and continued to lead the group as if nothing had happened.

Her deputy, who stood in the gap for her while she was abroad caring for her daughter, expected her to resign upon returning home, and she also expected the pastor to suspend the AVM and his wife from the deaconate for raising a daughter who got pregnant out of wedlock.

The church didn’t do what she expected.

She saw it as a double standard and raised this with some members of the church who were willing to listen to her.

How can two deacons have daughters who committed the same blunder, and only one deacon was suspended while the other was left to continue his duty as if nothing had happened?

Why would the church treat the rich and successful like eggs and treat the poor and faithful as stones? If we have favouritism in the world, why do we also have it in the church?

The rumors became a big issue, and the church was soon overtaken by grumblings and unrest on every side.

The senior pastor of the church called all the members to a meeting.

He invited the two families and all their children to sit in the front row.

The church was filled to capacity.

He read aloud 1 Timothy 3 from Verse 1

“Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task.

2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,

3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.

4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?).”

He then looked at the church and said, “I have heard a lot of you were complaining that the church has been unfair in the way we handled certain recent developments among the deaconates and the church as a whole.

I was told we were being accused of favouritism and aiding and abetting sin.

This was why I asked everybody to come with their Bibles today, and I made sure we all read the passage above on our feet, so that nobody would say I slept off.

How many of you heard any noise or saw any fight, public disagreement, scandal, or anything of disrepute or injurious to the reputation of the AVM, his wife, the church, the deaconate, or even the girl who got pregnant, happening when the AVM’s daughter got pregnant?

If you heard anything, can you please raise your hand and come forward to explain to us what you heard?

The pastor waited.

No hand was raised.

The church was dead silent.

After a few minutes’ pause, the pastor took the microphone and said:

How many of you heard any noise or saw any fight, public disagreement, scandal, or anything of disrepute or injurious to the reputation of Deacon Teacher, his wife, the church, the deaconate, or even the girl who got pregnant, happening when the Teacher’s daughter got pregnant?

Everybody in the church raised their hands.

So if I ask you which of the two men has managed his family well and properly according to the scripture we have read, which of the two deacons would you choose?

The whole church replied, “The AVM”.

Our focus was never on who got pregnant and why. That is not the business of the church. It is the business of the family of the young man and the woman who got pregnant, and their families.

If they handled it neatly and informed the church that their daughter is pregnant, and the family has accepted the pregnancy with love, and would like the church to pray along for the safe delivery of the baby.

The church will then joyfully receive the news and pray along with the family.

If, however, the daughter of a deacon or member gets pregnant, the family is thrown into chaos, and the two families get into a public feud in which the police get involved, street fights, cursing, bitterness and enmity, words get traded, blames go round, the church gets dragged into it, other deacons gets dragged into it, the pastorate gets dragged into it and the name of the church gets dragged in the mud for it.

The church will have to make some decisions, and the decisions will be taken not because somebody got pregnant but because the man who was supposed to handle it with wisdom and maturity did not do so.

Suspending Deacon Teacher and his wife from the deaconate was not a decision we made because their daughter got pregnant.

It was a decision we made because they didn’t handle the fallout of the pregnancy the right way.

Is there anybody with questions?

One hand went up.

Question: Sir, are you saying the church has no right to punish fornication? We know the girls who got pregnant were not married, and we know they had sex or were having sex, which led to the pregnancy.

Pastor: Good Question. The church has no duty, right, or legal authority to punish two people who are having or who have had sexual relations outside of marriage.

What the church can do is fraternal correction, which is aimed at guiding the individual to repentance.

In the cases at hand, this was not needed as the sexual relations led to pregnancies, and lessons have been learnt all around.

We all know that if they had been using condoms, contraceptives, or if both of them had been influenced by their parents or other adults to get an abortion, nobody here, sometimes not even the parents, would know that they had started having sex, and none of the events that happened thereafter would have happened.

The Pastor turned to the two families:

I am happy, and this is my opinion, that the two families are keeping the baby.

On the issue of babies, the responsibility and care for the child are usually the issue.

Both families are capable.

Being a grandparent at an early age is a blessing. As a pastor, I have the benefit of foresight and hindsight that many parents and church members do not have.

The two children will grow up to lead their generations if their grandparents see them as blessings and raise them as such.

Make sure the biological fathers and their family members sign them over to you permanently (If they denied the pregnancy), adopt them from your daughters so that she can be free to pursue life and make something of her life.

Raise that baby as your last child and give him or her your name.

In twenty years, you will look back and thank God you were wise enough to preserve the destiny of the child and the legacy of your family.

God bless you.

With that, the meeting closed, and the church members left with every grudge quelled.

PS: Hope you learned something.

-GSW-