There are people on this planet who go through life with the fear or concern of being disliked. They always want to be in the Good Books of other people.
They are never happy to offend anyone- they want to be loved by everybody.
A very popular American Pastor wrote of an experience he had earlier in his Ministry. He was a very charismatic preacher with a very high rating. He received hundreds of letters and emails daily. He always read these letters personally. They all commend him and his Ministry for the positive impact he had made in their lives. He would read these letters and emails and smile. He was PROUD of his work!
But one day, he received an email that condemned him and his Ministry. The writer called him a fake Pastor, a cheat and a deceiver! He was seriously disturbed! He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat- it was THAT bad. He decided to respond to the email. He typed the reply and edited it several times, trying to find the right words to make the right impression- he wanted the person to change his mind about him and his Ministry!
After editing the email for the umpteenth time, the Holy Spirit asked him, “What are you doing?”
“I am trying to reply an email.”
‘Why?”
“I got an email that condemned me and my Ministry; I want to respond to it to set the records straight!”
“ONE person sent you an email to CONDEMN you and you want to respond?”
“Yes!”
“But THOUSANDS of people have sent you emails to COMMEND you! How many of those have you responded to?”
He shut down the computer and went to bed.
Sometimes, we don’t know when we become People Pleasers…
We live in an age where External Validation is a thing. People post stuff on Social Media, only to delete them and apologize when there is a strong backlash from the public.
“What will people SAY? What will people THINK?” have become a major concern for a lot of people.
My wife once dressed up to go for a social function. She stood in front of a full mirror and turned around, looking at her image from all angles. Then she turned at me and asked, “How do I look?” I threw the question back at her: “How do you look? You just checked how you look in the mirror yourself- is the mirror not working?”
My point is, why do people seek validation from others?
They do because they are WEAK. They are PEOPLE PLEASERS.
King Saul was a People Pleaser- and it cost him the Kingdom. God gave him an unambiguous instruction about Amalek, but he didn’t carry it out to the letter.
Why?
He told Prophet Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD and your words because I FEARED THE PEOPLE and obeyed their voice” -1st Samuel 15:24
King Saul was a People Pleaser!
He was concerned about the opinion of the people about him- he didn’t want to be perceived in a negative light.
King Solomon wrote, “My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept” -Songs of Solomon 1:6. That is a WORSE type of People Pleasers- PLEASING others while HURTING yourself!
A Pastor started an online ministry in Nigeria. It grew to have hundreds of members. They meet twice a week online on Tuesdays and Fridays for Bible Study and Prayers from 7pm to 8pm.
After a while, the Pastor relocated to the US with his family. Now, 7pm to 8pm Nigeria time is 2pm to 3pm US time: it became practically impossible for him to continue leading the Online Fellowship (he would be at work between those hours in the US). So, he handed over to a friend of mine here in Nigeria to become the new leader.
Now, my friend is a People Pleaser. He had enough responsibilities on his head already, he couldn’t afford to add the Ministry to it. But he didn’t want to offend the Pastor- he couldn’t say NO to him! So, he accepted to be the Keeper of someone else’s Vineyard. At some point, his own Vineyard started having issues.
He complained to me and I told him bluntly: “Call that Pastor and relieve yourself of this extra responsibility! You CANNOT carry someone else’s load at the expense of yours! You CANNOT abandon your Vineyard to take care of someone else’s Vineyard!”
Unfortunately, he was a People Pleaser- he didn’t have the BALLS to tell the Pastor he wanted out.
The easiest word for ME to say is NO. I learned that early enough in life.
I can NEVER be in such a situation where I will take care of someone else’s Vineyard at the detriment of mine.
When I take decisions, “what will people say/think?” does not matter to me.
I have NEVER and will NEVER be a People Pleaser.
I believe our Society generally and our Churches particularly need less People Pleasers, people who are BOLD enough to say NO to what they don’t want and CANNOT accept, people who CANNOT be manipulated or controlled by Religion or anything else.
“The Grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to ALL Men. It teaches us to say NO…” -Titus 2:11-12.
The capacity to say NO is given by the Grace of God. You have that Grace: STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER!!!
Shalom!
Haruna Daniels.